Hmmm, Podcast Action

Hurrah!

I have finally beaten the elaborate uploading process on myspace and managed to post the shiny new Theatre of Noise Podcast. It was recorded in a dungeon at a secret location somewhere in Manchester City Centre and is a small flavour of the Theatre of Noise shows that will terrorise South Manchester on Refresh FM at Easter. It is a bit raw and due to copyright reasons music-less, but hopefully quite entertaining.

It contains a myriad of delights* including perennial TON favourite, the Chainsaw Challenge, an exclusive interview with Jade Goody** and a shiny new game called Feel My Sack. During said game, Dan used his new fangled image recording device/phone to film the game in progress, Eyan then used a wondrous confabulator to upload it to Youtube...

Listen with your ears here: myspace.com/thequiteearlyshow

Watch with your eyes here: Feel My Sack Vid

Smell with your nose here: Erm...

Do have a listen, although I had to reduce the quality to post it on evil myspace. A Quite Early Show podcast was recorded too and will follow when I have regained the will to live.

Below is the stirring sight of the Chris Bowater CD destroyed in the Chainsaw Challenge. It was literally on fire due to the ferocity with which Fil angle-ground it.
('Angle-ground' is a new word I invented to describe the process of using an angle grinder in the past tense)

* No actual delights promised
** No real Jade Goody promised

Secret Postcards

This is from the marvellous Postsecret project which is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Check it out here.

Some of them are funny, some are very touching and some are downright disturbing!

Purgatory

This is brilliant. Hat-tip to Sarah

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the test here

Apparently I am well on my way to being safely in Purgatory on my death according to Dante's Inferno. I'm not sure if that means I should be happy or whether I should cut loose and have a little more fun to raise my other levels!

Right, I haven't done any movies for a bit so quite a few:

Galaxy Quest ****
Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves **** (Surprisingly good fun!)
John Carpenters Vampires *
Shaolin Soccer ****
Eragon *
Back to the Future *****
Intacto *****
Rocky 6 ***
Apocalypto **
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen *

Some words about the last film I think. LXG (as it is also known) is a dreadful film. But it really shouldn't have been. It draws on great source material, Alan Moore's graphic novel series. It has a great idea at its centre; transposing characters from literature like Allan Quatermain, Mina Harker, Jekyll & Hyde, the immortal Dorian Gray, Captain Nemo & Professor Moriarty to an alternative Victorian world. It's got some great actors, a large budget and the director who made the first Blade movie so enjoyable.

However, it falls down on so many levels. Firstly, the studio decided that it was too Brit-centric and added their own US literature hero Tom Sawyer as a Victorian US secret service agent. For goodness sake, Tom Sawyer! Bloody awful. Then the special effects are really, really sloppy, the dialogue is hilariously bad, the plot is muddled and probably worst of all, the film treats us like idiots and assumes that we know nothing about these great literary characters.

However, it does have a wonderful quote from Stuart Townsend as the invulnerable Dorian Gray (who was also absent from the original graphic novel). On being shot a multitude of times by a level one grunt he opens his shirt to show the doomed evil lackey the bullet holes healing. The guy asks "What are you?" To which the laconic reply is "I'm complicated". Easily the best bit of the film...

Exclusive Press Release

9/10ths Full of Penguins is pleased to announce that we have been chosen by Endemol to exclusively reveal their latest press release. *

"Endemol, producers of hit television phenomena Big Brother, Chantelle's Dream Dates, Fool Around with my Girlfriend and the incomparable Killer Shark Live, are proud to announce our latest project:

'Chew, Kitty, Chew'

Having changed the face of 'Social Experiments' forever with Big Brother, Endemol is now tackling history programming. We want to bring our unique and challenging perspective to the great arena of time, while still maintaining the popular edge that helps us to connect with young people and young adults today.

The concept behind 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' is very simple. We want to bring to life ancient Roman civilization and entertainment for today's jaded viewers. So we propose to re-introduce the feeding of feared minorities to lions. Of course, this being a reality TV show, the viewers will be able to experience the full bone-crunching, flesh-tearing experience in the very latest High Defnition technology for 24 hours a day.

Each week, 5 contestants from a variety of groups and backgrounds will be pitted against each other in humiliating and amusing tasks and battles. The two contestants who fail to impress the celebrity Judges (already confirmed Jade Goody, George Galloway & Jodie Marsh) will go head to head in a public vote. The person receiving the least votes will then be thrown into the lion pit and torn mercilessly limb from limb, very much in the manner of this zebra:

As well as nightly highlight programmes on Channel 4, a constant 24 hour feed live from both the lion and victim compounds will be broadcast. 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' will explore both sides of the coin, with in-depth interviews with our star lions, asking them what it feels like to taste human flesh and giving them an opportunity to share in this clash of cultures. There will also be a range of exciting extra nightly programmes to deepen the 'Chew' experience:

Big Kitty's Big Teeth with Russell Brand. We are delighted to have Russell on board discussing the finer points of dismemberment with a invited panel of lion experts and superfluous/irrelevant celebrity guests in his own inimitable style. Russell's agent tells us that he is very much looking forward to bringing his annoyingly faux-fop comedy stylings to this late night show.

Big Kitty's Little Cub with Dermot Murnaghan. Sadly Dermot O'Leary was unable to join the 'Chew' team due to an early production meeting accident involving 5 wolverines and a pound of sausages. However, we are pleased to announce Dermot Murnaghan as the host of our early evening 'sideways' look at events in the compounds. Dermot will be joined by a marginally better class of celebrity who will be along for all the fun and a few surprises no doubt!

Finally, hosting the main event will be Davina McCall who unfortunately tied us in to a contract that enables her to have first refusal on presenting any of our programmes. However, we have have tied her into a contract that requires her to be heavily pregnant during the show's run.

If you want to take part in 'Chew, Kitty, Chew', open auditions will be taking place in Manchester, London, Birmingham and Glasgow in March. Please bring with you an audition tape of you being lightly mauled by an animal of your choice. Please also bring a copy of your will and proof of your feared minority status. Dangerously unstable people will also be considered...

Endemol, making cutting edge TV with BITE!"

*Not actual press release

Inspiring II

This is one of the most potent and challenging cartoons I have seen in a long time.*

*I can't remember where I got this from, so in the unlikely event the cartoonist sees this, let me know so I can link it properly!

Inspiring!

I want to teach at pirate school!!
We had a very inspiring guest lecturer on our PGCE course today.

Last week we had to hand in the most boring essay in the world on Language and Diversity and I know that personally I felt a little bogged down in the bureaucracy and hoop-jumping element of training to be a teacher. In some ways these things are necessary, but not really that inspirational, so it was very encouraging to hear someone talk practically, but also passionately about teaching. I think our regular tutor has a bit of a raw deal having to teach us about how to mark A Level papers, various syllabi (is that even a word?) and a myriad other vital but hardly thrilling topics. Anyhoo....

How about some quiz answers?

For the two people who are waiting with bated keyboard fingers for these:

General Knowledge Round

1) Matthew Hoggard 2) George Galloway 3) Gobi Desert 4) Dante's Divine Comedy 5) Torchwood 6) Vicar of Dibley 7) Indiana Jones 4 8) Queen 9) this story 10) Heathrow Airport

Dan's Music Round

1) Aida & Verdi 2) 42million, Over 250, 6, Organ Pipe 3) A Moment Like This by Leona 4) A Day in the Life, Help!, Hey Jude, I Want to Hold Your Hand, Norwegian Wood, Strawberry Fields, Yesterday 5) Englebert Humperdinck 6) Raymond Quinn, 7) Crazy by Gnarls Barkley 8) Guitar, Violin, Cello 9) Platoon, Clockwork Orange, 2001, Top Gun 10) Any two of these.

Well done to Sarah who was the only one brave enough to post her answers!

Edited following harsh grammatical criticism from Fat Roland

"Iraq Surge"

By Mikhaela Reid of www.mikhaela.net

You know, I had a long, funny, angry and exquisitely eloquent post prepared on George Bush's new plan for Iraq. But having finished it and read it back, it just didn't feel right to post. I felt that with the announcement today of the names of the British servicemen killed in Iraq and Afghanistan in the last couple of days, it wasn't really appropriate.

So instead I want to appeal for a sense of proportion and restraint from Bush and his cronies (Karl Rove & Dick Cheney are of course 9/10th Full of Penguins regulars). Statements like these from George Bush in his speech outlining his new plan in Iraq worry me.

"[Stabilizing the region] begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq."

"Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq."

"I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region. We will expand intelligence sharing - and deploy Patriot air defence systems to reassure our friends and allies. We will work with the governments of Turkey and Iraq to help them resolve problems along their border."

"And we will work with others to prevent Iran from gaining nuclear weapons and dominating the region."

The implications of these statements, underlined by Dick Cheney's thinly veiled threats to Iran made yesterday, are terrifying. I will leave you to consider those implications....

For those who wish to read the full text of George Bush's statement look here. It makes for illuminating reading.

Quiztastic Vol 2

....and there was much rejoicing!!

I have finally finished the most boring essay in the world... so to (um) celebrate here is, as promised to Sarah, the rest of the Penguins/Fat Roland/Dan quiz.

General Knowledge:

1) Who was England's leading wicket taker in the disastrous Ashes series?

2) Name the politician who disturbed the nation in last year's 'Sleb BB by pretending to be a cat?

3) In which of the world's deserts can temperatures reach over 50oC in summer and -40oC in the winter? Gobi, Sahara or Egypt's White Desert.

4) The Vatican is planning to stage an opera based in which classic medieval poem?

5) What is the name of BBC Three's Dr Who spinoff?

6) Which programme had the highest ratings on terrestrial TV this Christmas?

7) Which of the following film sequels is not being released in 2007? Spiderman 3, Die Hard 4, Rocky 6 or Indiana Jones 4.

8) Which band did Radio 2 listeners crown the greatest British band of all time?

9) Its far too long to type out Q9 - so I'll just give you the answer..."I'm the Bishop of Southwark, its what I do"

10) Which UK airport was struggling with a literal lost luggage mountain?

Music

(by Dan, who's got some class, so the pleb questions in here were added by Eyan & I on the night, they are not his fault!)

1) a)Name the opera that was staged a La Scale in Milan in December

b) Name the composer of this opera?

2) a) How much did it cost to build the Bridgewater Hall? 32, 42 or 52 million quid

b) How many performances are held in it each year? Over 250, 300 or 350?

c) How many Steinway Grand pianos does it have? 2,4 or 6?

d) It also boasts a 'Bourdan 16 footer' outside the swell, which is 30% tin. What is this?

3) What was the Christmas No 1?

4) The Beatles featured 7 times in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame's 500 most influential songs.

Name them.

5) What improbably named singer was born in India as Arnold George Dorsey?

6) Name this year's X Factor runner up?

7) What was the biggest selling single of 2006?

8) Which instrument links the following performers?

a) Julian Bream, John Williams, Slash

b) Nigel Kennedy, Vanessa Mae, Nicola Bendetti

c) Yo Yo Ma, Jacqueline DuPre, Julian Lloyd Webber

9) Music from films. Name the film that famously feat. the following music:

a) Barber's Adagio for Strings

b) Beethoven's Symphony No 9

c) Strauss' Blue Danube

d) Maria McKee's Take my Breath Away

10) Name 2 songs from Gershwins opera Porgy & Bess?

Phew lots of text....have a psychotic penguin

The answers for the picture round in Quiztastic Vol 1 are buried in the comments!

Heroes & Villains

Superhero

You are Superman:
You are mild-mannered, good,strong and you love to help others.

Superman 75%
Hulk 55%
Iron Man 55%
Spider-Man 50%
Robin 50%
Green Lantern 45%
Supergirl 40%
Batman 35%
The Flash 35%
Catwoman 20%
Wonder Woman 15%

Supervillain

You are Apocalypse:

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest

Apocalypse 58%
Dr. Doom 50%
Magneto 47%
Juggernaut 44%
Mr. Freeze 42%
Lex Luthor 33%
Dark Phoenix 33%
Kingpin 30%
The Joker 29%
Green Goblin 20%
Venom 18%
Riddler 18%
Poison Ivy 15%
Catwoman 6%
Two-Face 4%
Mystique 0%

Check out these amusing quizzes at:

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain

You know, I'm not sure if Superman is entirely accurate, but what disturbs me more is that while I may be 75% Superman, I am also 15% Wonder Woman....

Quiztastic Vol 1

One of the things that I do that I rather enjoy is run a monthly pub quiz at a very civilised venue in Didsbury. I run it with Eyan and Dan, we do a round each, have a laugh and drink beer - often at the same time, resulting in much spluttering. Eyan has posted his round on famous James' from this month's quiz on his blog here. I have decided to shamelessly follow suit as I did the picture round this month and I am very proud of it.

Using the medium of magic pixie dust I have removed the titles from these posters of the best movies of 2006. Your task gentle reader, is to guess the missing title. No cheating now (and I'll mystically know if you cheat) and the person who gets them all right first will win a prize.*

*no actual prizes on offer

Answers some time later in the week!

*edit - don't look at the comments till you've had a go as the answers are in there!*

Dancing Penguin

Check out the penguin "havin' it large"

Makes me chuckle every time!

Oooo - see the moving pictures....

Happy New year blog readers!

A bumper crop of movies from this Christmastide (um - is that a word?). As usual, TV was unutterably dreadful over the Christmas period (Vicar of Dibley anyone?) and only the presence of some cracking films enlivened it in any way.

Lawrence of Arabia *****
Equilibrium ***
The Da Vinci Code *
My goodness, it is so unbelievably bad it makes the dire source material seem like a masterpiece !
The 39 Steps ****
Gladiator *****
Van Helsing ***
Pirates of the Carribean ***
Blade Runner Directors Cut *****
The Birds *****
The Usual Suspects ****
Kind Hearts and Coronets *****
Batman Begins *****
United 93 *****

Even though 2007 is shaping up to be the year of the sequel; some of which look like being good (Spiderman 3, the Bourne Ultimatum), some of which look like being OK (Harry Potter 5, Die Hard 4) and most of which look completely superfluous (Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Rocky 6, Shrek 3, Oceans 13, Evan Almighty, Resident Evil:Extinction) or awful (Rush Hour 3, Fantastic 4 (um) 2, National Treasure 2, Saw 4).

So to help you fight your way through the overwhelming fog of sequels I have selected a few movies that should be well worth checking out this coming year:

300 (March 2007)
A highly stylised film about the battle of Thermopylae where 300 Spartans held the entire Persian army in 480BC. Check the trailer out, its a bit shouty but it looks incredible.

Hot Fuzz (Feb 2007)
A hollywood style police action flick. Set in rural England. With Nick Frost & Simon Pegg. What, you need more convincing? Check the trailer here

Tales of Earthsea (Jun 2007)



From the the same stable as Spirited Away, a Miyazaki anime adaptation of Ursula K Le Guin's classic fantasy novels. If the film is as good as its artwork, it will be wonderful.


The Simpsons Movie (Jul 2007)
Enough said - watch the brilliant trailer here

Also watch out for Transformers (!), The Fountain, Sunshine, 28 Weeks Later, Zodiac, Curse of the Broken Flower