Saturday, January 20, 2007

Exclusive Press Release

9/10ths Full of Penguins is pleased to announce that we have been chosen by Endemol to exclusively reveal their latest press release. *

"Endemol, producers of hit television phenomena Big Brother, Chantelle's Dream Dates, Fool Around with my Girlfriend and the incomparable Killer Shark Live, are proud to announce our latest project:
'Chew, Kitty, Chew'

Having changed the face of 'Social Experiments' forever with Big Brother, Endemol is now tackling history programming. We want to bring our unique and challenging perspective to the great arena of time, while still maintaining the popular edge that helps us to connect with young people and young adults today.

The concept behind 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' is very simple. We want to bring to life ancient Roman civilization and entertainment for today's jaded viewers. So we propose to re-introduce the feeding of feared minorities to lions. Of course, this being a reality TV show, the viewers will be able to experience the full bone-crunching, flesh-tearing experience in the very latest High Defnition technology for 24 hours a day.

Each week, 5 contestants from a variety of groups and backgrounds will be pitted against each other in humiliating and amusing tasks and battles. The two contestants who fail to impress the celebrity Judges (already confirmed Jade Goody, George Galloway & Jodie Marsh) will go head to head in a public vote. The person receiving the least votes will then be thrown into the lion pit and torn mercilessly limb from limb, very much in the manner of this zebra:

As well as nightly highlight programmes on Channel 4, a constant 24 hour feed live from both the lion and victim compounds will be broadcast. 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' will explore both sides of the coin, with in-depth interviews with our star lions, asking them what it feels like to taste human flesh and giving them an opportunity to share in this clash of cultures. There will also be a range of exciting extra nightly programmes to deepen the 'Chew' experience:


Big Kitty's Big Teeth with Russell Brand. We are delighted to have Russell on board discussing the finer points of dismemberment with a invited panel of lion experts and superfluous/irrelevant celebrity guests in his own inimitable style. Russell's agent tells us that he is very much looking forward to bringing his annoyingly faux-fop comedy stylings to this late night show.

Big Kitty's Little Cub with Dermot Murnaghan. Sadly Dermot O'Leary was unable to join the 'Chew' team due to an early production meeting accident involving 5 wolverines and a pound of sausages. However, we are pleased to announce Dermot Murnaghan as the host of our early evening 'sideways' look at events in the compounds. Dermot will be joined by a marginally better class of celebrity who will be along for all the fun and a few surprises no doubt!

Finally, hosting the main event will be Davina McCall who unfortunately tied us in to a contract that enables her to have first refusal on presenting any of our programmes. However, we have have tied her into a contract that requires her to be heavily pregnant during the show's run.

If you want to take part in 'Chew, Kitty, Chew', open auditions will be taking place in Manchester, London, Birmingham and Glasgow in March. Please bring with you an audition tape of you being lightly mauled by an animal of your choice. Please also bring a copy of your will and proof of your feared minority status. Dangerously unstable people will also be considered...

Endemol, making cutting edge TV with BITE!"

*Not actual press release

2 comments:

Nat said...

Oh, brilliant work! Nice creative outlet.

Fat Roland said...

Lightly mauled. Heh.