Monday, December 14, 2009

Cocking a Snook at Simon Cowell

I don't like reality TV shows. Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing, Britain's Got Talent & X-Factor being just the highest profile peddlers of televisual offal. They are lazy and dedicate themselves to one of two goals. The first being the search for the Z-list celebrity or freakish civilian who will humiliate themselves in the most amusing manner. The second being the discovery of a moderately talented singer/dancer who can churn out mediocre pop music to further fill the obscenely bulging coffers of Simon Cowell.Once upon a time, all we had to worry about in the Christmas charts was Mr Blobby or worse, Cliff Richard records (The Lords Prayer set to Auld Lang Syne - remember?). However, we now look back on those dark times with pangs of yearning for the good old days. Now every year with a depressing inevitability we await the latest offering from whoever has triumphed in the X-Factor. Simon Cowell is now so used to having the Christmas number 1 that he now seems to expect it as his sovereign right. The only reason that so many people will lumber out and buy this prepackaged drivel is because ITV have spent what feels like the last 10 months shoving it down our damn throats.

There is currently a campaign to stop the Christmas charts from rolling over and presenting to Codpiece Cowell. People all over Britain are voting on who they want to be Christmas Number 1 by purchasing the Rage Against the Machine classic Killing in the Name of. Check and join the Facebook group here. This group is now approaching 750,000 members and has been branded as 'stupid' and 'cynical' by Simon Cowell.

Lets just think about for a moment.....

So creating a show that broadcasts twice a week for 3 million years to create masses of advertising revenue and gets all its participants to show up for mass auditions to remove the pesky job of searching out talent is not cynical? Creating a show that keeps in a few of the more freakish and vulnerable wannabes so we can laugh at them and their crazy dreams of stardom (dreams fueled by constant reality TV shows and f***ing Heat magazine) is not cynical? Creating a show that has as its end result a prepackaged, bland cover version of a pop song that is arranged and recorded months before the winner is discovered and then has the winner's vocals smoothed, produced, tweaked and then tacked on like an afterthought is not cynical? Creating a show that is so utterly meaningless as a contest because the winner is never the act that triumphs, but rather Simon Cowell, is not cynical?

No, apparently a large number of people going out a buying record they like to get it to number 1 is cynical. I always thought that was just the charts, but maybe Cowell is right. Perhaps the Christmas number 1 we deserve is from a man called Joe warbling a Hannah Montana cover.

Tropic Thunder ** (Apart from Tom Cruise, who is bloody hilarious)
The International ****
State of Play (UK & US) ***** ****
The American President ***
The Clone Wars ***
The Game ****
Prince Caspian ***
Eagle Eye **
High Fidelity ***
The Escapist ****
Three Kingdoms ***
Jurassic Park 3 ***
Star Trek:Insurrection **
Step Brothers **
The Hangover ****
Schindlers List *****
Get Smart ***
Fighting *
Galaxy Quest ****
Juno ***
Starship Troopers ****
Yes Man ***
The Box ****
Pans Labyrinth *****
Constantine ***
Dan in Real Life ****


Sarah said...

I'm not going to buy it because I don't particularly like RATM. I tried last year, with Hallelujah. I do think X-factor etc are cynical, particularly now they let bad acts through for additional entertainment value - that is cruel. I remember watching pop stars, the show which started it all, back in my uni days, and it was entertaining and interesting. But the whole thing has become a juggernaut which demands the Christmas number one and never seems to go away.

Steve said...

Have bought it 4 times and then bought the album as I lost my CD of it years ago...

Anyone who can spare some change this Christmas to help the homeless can donate here: