Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Juxtaposition...

Spotted on a railway station in Manchester today.
Apparently, Diggerland offers the 'best day out ever'. Bearing in mind the manifest wonders of this rich and diverse planet, I'm guessing that scraping around dirt in Yorkshire in a mini digger may not make the top slot. For a real hit of bizarre, have a peek at their rather surreal website, complete with corporate song here

Amusingly, this paean to the manly exploits of earth removal was right next to this poster suggesting the unmissable nature of a movie about clothes or something.Reading the poster about the film (its apparently the most stylish film since Sex & the City which is a comparison that even now is making my intestines threaten to rise up and strangle me from within in order to stop me from ever seeing it ) teaches us a valuable lesson, which I am going to pass onto you gentle reader.

If a movie poster reprints reviews from publications like Vogue, Marie Claire, Elle magazine etc, immediately remove 2 stars from the rating. This should leave you with an accurate star rating. The same goes for Heat magazine and all red top newspapers too. However, I'm not being snobbish - you should never trust the Guardian film reviews either. Oh, or those in the Times or Telegraph.

And while I think about it, James King on Radio 1 and Mark Kermode (of wherever he has slithered off to) are also not to be fully trusted in movie review terms.

Due to my lengthy absence there will now follow a bumper list of movie ratings (from which of course, you should immediately deduct at least 2 stars from to obtain an accurate rating)

Lady Vengeance ***
Total Recall ****
Man on Fire **
Keane ****
Ned Kelly *
Tears of the Sun ***
Hulk **
The Dead Zone ***
Red Dragon **
Mission Impossible 3 **
Aguirre, Wrath of God ****
From Dusk Till Dawn ***
Batman ***
Amelie *****
Final Destination 2 **
The Living Daylights ***
Spiderman ***
Timecop:The Berlin Decision *
Wilderness **
Dawn of the Dead (2004) ****
My Super Ex Girlfriend ***
Ghosts of Mars **
X-Files **
Death Note ***
Death Note the Last Name ***
Watchmen ****
Collateral ****
Rock n Rolla ****
Diary of the Dead ***
Tales from Earthsea ***
Hard Target ***
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen **
Fallen **
16 Blocks ***
Star Trek ****
Idiocracy **
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People **
Terminator 3 **
Along came a Spider **
The Crazies ***
Behind Enemy Lines ***
The Terminator ***
Termintor 2 ****
Grizzly Man *****
Infernal Affairs ****
Spartacus *****

3 comments:

Fat Roland said...

"A movie about clothes or something" really made me laugh. The Guardian knows bugger all about films; their reviews can be really off-beam sometimes.

Oh and I think you've underrated Batman, Fallen and T2 and overrated Rocknrolla massively (it literally made me vomit from my eyes).

Sarah said...

I want to go and play with diggers!

English Blogger (Davie B) said...

The problem with any film review is that is is subjective and not objective so it's just that persons view on the film. I never bother to listen to what anyone says about a film. If I want to see a film I will no ones view of that film will sway me either way.

I will listen to what a friend has to say, but again I am not swayed by what they say.

I saw Saw 4 and thought it a great film with a few nice twists, Saw 3 a little violent at the start and not as good as 1 and 2 for my taste. I never saw any reviews for these films but I am sure that they wont match my thoughts.

Diggerland or Disney World Florida.....right....still think I'll go with Disney.