Where's the finish line....

I am having a very confusing few days..... I have been mulling various things over in the mental equivalent of a vat of mulled wine gently warming on the hob at Christmas. *

In the early parts of the week I spent 3 days at school when every lesson I taught was a struggle, and then on Thursday after a day in university I felt so dispirited that I was seriously considering not carrying on into teaching after PGCE. The last few weeks have just been a constant tiring slog and my frame of mind has not been massively positive. However, on Friday after a couple of good lessons and a good chat with my school mentor, I felt much better.

However, as I approach the final straight, I have to start making decisons. Where do I look for jobs? I love Manchester and really want to stay, but at the same time I realise I may have to look further afield for a good job.

I have other decisions to make as well and I'm feeling rather confused about them too, but I won't bore you with those...

Movies

The Illusionist ****

Having seen both the Prestige & The Illusionist (both period stage magician movies) fairly recently, it was interesting to compare the two. I think that the Illusionist benefits from having one man (Edward Norton) as the main focus, as well as a superb turn from Paul Giamatti as Chief Inspector Uhl. Rufus Sewell chews the scenery very effectively as the movie's villain and the whole thing moves at a admirably stately pace.

The Prestige on the other hand was fascinating and looked just as good as Christopher Nolan's movies always do. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman were both excellent as the key protagonists and Michael Caine turned in a very dignified performance. However, the only problem for me was that the 'twist' was telegraphed extremely early in the film and by the time the film got to its third act (or Prestige if you will), there was no surprise when the 'secret' was revealed.

Anyway, I watched the Illusionist in great luxury last night, as on the spur of the moment myself and the friend I was with decided to watch it in something called the Gallery at the Printworks in the city centre. It was a very agreeably grown up way to watch a film in a very agreeable evening

*You know, that is a terrible simile. More so because I hate mulled wine...

Arcade Fire vs Radiohead

VS

A couple of weeks ago, I got the new album by the Arcade Fire - Neon Bible. It is very very good, particularly the grand Intervention (it has pipe organs on it!!) which will get plenty of airing when I venture on to the airwaves of South Manchester on Refresh FM. But then I made a mistake. You see, it is such a good album that it got me thinking about others that have grabbed my attention in the same way in the past. That then got me thinking about OK Computer by Radiohead. So I toddled off and listened to Neon Bible and OK Computer back to back.


Now why, I hear you cry, is that a mistake?


Well, the problem is that as good as Neon Bible is, it pales into insignifiance next to OK Computer, which is simply so much better than anything else.


OK Computer is now coming up to being 10 years old and is still one of the few albums that I can sit down and listen to while doing nothing else. It is a magnificently rich and complex album that rewards many repeat listens. There is not a wasted lyric, note, distortion, string or bleep anywhere on it, it is one of those rare occasions when everything is spot on. Despite the intervening decade it has barely dated and still sounds fresh.


It has so many great songs on it; the furious Electioneering, the beautifully melancholic No Surprises, the epic Let Down as well as Karma Police and Paranoid Android. It also signalled Radiohead's transformation from a great rock band into the musical pioneers that they have become. It is the sound of a band at their absolute peak. I wonder if some of the melancholy feeling on the album comes from the realisation that no matter what they produced after this, they would probably never scale these heights again. And despite the enviously high quality of Radiohead's output since OK Computer, none of it is as good.

OK Computer has been lauded far and wide since its release. If you have never heard it, then I implore you, as it comes up to its 10th birthday to seek out a copy and revel in what is, in my opinion - and that of many many others, simply the greatest album of all time....

Up until the Wii small hours

I recently bribed several European marmots to go to elaborate lengths to obtain for me a shiny new Nintendo Wii from Germany. I was forced to this extreme end because Nintendo appear to release about 3 consoles a month in the UK, which makes buying one here a tad difficult without permanently camping outside GAME in the Trafford Centre.

Anyhoo. It is an indecent amount of fun to play with. I have spent many hours paralysed with hysterical laughter with my housemates playing Wii Sports and Wario Ware Smooth Movies. It is simply the best console system I have played, the remote wireless controllers are infinitely more intuitive than normal gamepads. Right, I must go now. Currently ambling around a colossal but very pretty field in Zelda wondering what on earth I'm supposed to be doing....

Movies
Cronos ****
The Manchurian Candidate ***

#Quizzing time is here again...#

Quiz related activities resurfaced in East Didsbury last week like a Humpback Whale erupting from the sea for air. Once more Eyan, Dan and myself terrorised the genteel people of South Manchester with our unique blend of trivia and vague silliness.

Here are Dan's general knowledge round and my theme round (which this month was a personal favourite - Saint or Aint)

1. Quantas is the National Airline of which Country?
2. Which branch of science and technology, dealing with very small systems and devices, takes its name from the Greek word for Dwarf?
3. What is the county town of Shropshire?
4. In which century did diarist Samuel Pepys die?
5. What is the Latin name for the Southern Lights, the high atmosphere effects seen in high latitude Southern Hemisphere regions?
6. Which famous spy, executed by the French in 1917, was formerly a stripper in Berlin?
7. Which sea port famous for the attack of the Italian fleet by the Royal Navy in 1940 is situated between the toe and heel of Italy?
8. Who was the bully in Tom Browns School Days?
9. Who was the female star of Barbarella and Cat Ballou
10. Which unit of measurement is equal to 6080ft?

Saint or Aint
The following saints are either real or I have completely made them up. So decide whether they are a saint or whether they aint.

1) Archangel Gabriel – Patron St of messengers
2) Ambrose of Milan – Patron St of Bee Keepers
3) Francis of Norwich – Patron Saint of Chefs
4) Genesius – Patron St of the theatrical profession
5) Madrona – Patron St of Librarians
6) Guy of Dubois – Patron St of dentists
7) Florian – Patron St of Water, danger from.
8) Hubert of Liege – Patron St of dog bites.
9) Decima – Patron St of abacus manufacturers
10) According to the Catholic feast day calendar. How many saints have their feast days on
the 7th March?

Answers early next week

*Edit Monday 19th March - Answers now in the comments*

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Due to the rather insane workload that afflicts me at present, I have been unable to post for over a week.

But I wanted to briefly mention a movie I watched last night. I saw Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth and loved it.

It is absolutely magnificent in just about every way I can think of.

Watch it now.....

Movies:
Pan's Labyrinth *****
Blade 2 ***
Hero ****
An Inconvenient Truth *****

Is this man an idiot?

I don't admit to fully understanding the way the American poiltical system works, but I do keep a weather eye out for the major players. At the moment the road to the 2008 US elections is clogged with people from all sides of the political spectrum throwing their hats into the ring. However, for me, the most interesting character is Democrat Senator Barack Obama. I first came across Obama when he was interviewed on the Daily Show and he was just as funny as Jon Stewart (no mean feat). Since then I have been quite impressed by him (he certainly seems better equipped morally to be President than George Bush - but then a so is a chimpanzee...)

But certain parts of the US media have already begun the hatchet job on Obama. Wild stories and distortions of parts of his past have been hysterically screamed by Fox in particular (no surprise there).

"HIS MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN!"

(so what....unless they are cynically playing up to people's fears)

"HE WAS EDUCATED IN A MADRASSA!"

(Otherwise known as, the islamic name for a school - a sensible, none-extremist school, as the reporters who actually went to the school discovered)

"HIS SECOND NAME SOUNDS A BIT LIKE 'OSAMA'!"

(ooh, there we go, back to cynically exploiting fear again. Fox captioned a news item on Obama with Osama "by mistake")

and worst of all

"HE'S A SMOKER!"

(Genuine quote on Fox "Do we really want a man like that [who smokes] in the White House?")

Now a new question has entered the ring. Clearly Obama, as you can see from the picture here, is black:

But is he black enough? Obama's Ivy League education and Mid-western accent has led many to question his credentials to be America's first black president. While being interviewed by CBS' Steve Kroft, whose picture adorns the beginning of this post, the following exchange occurred:

Kroft: Your mother was white. Your father was African?
Obama: Right.
Kroft: You spent most of your life in a white household?
Obama: Yeah.
Kroft: I mean, you grew up white.
Obama: I'm not sure that would be true. I think what would be true is that I don't have the typical background of African-Americans . . .
Kroft: You were raised in a white household?
Obama: Right.
Kroft: Yet at some point, you decided that you were black?

Perhaps I'm missing something here, but for goodness sake Mr Kroft, the man is sitting in front of you! Maybe his upbringing is not typically what you expected (which seems a little condescending by the way), but surely you can use your eyes to see that he didn't have to 'decide' on the colour of his skin!

Read this very interesting article from this weeks Guardian G2 that sparked this post.

It all seems crazy to me......

The last shall be first....

Formula 1. It's a bit of an enigma.

On the one hand, it is a sport so devoid of humour and fun that it makes golf look like base-jumping. However, it does have a curious, yet undeniable glamour as evidenced by the colossal sums of money and attention given to the top drivers. I myself have spent many a Sunday afternoon watching Grand Prix from amazing locations all over the world. Admittedly, after about the first 5 laps, I tend to slip into a deep sleep and start drooling copiously all over myself.

And that is the main problem, Formula 1 (apart from the mad dash from the starting line to the first corner) is crushingly dull for the most part. In recent years one man has bestrode the sport like a Prussian colossus, eclipsing all other drivers with his inhuman ability to drive in circles very quickly. Michael Schumacher will no doubt be looked upon as one of the greatest drivers to ever sit in a car, however in his domination he has practically killed the sport off as a spectacle because he seemed to win every single race.

Perhaps his retirement at the end of last season will lead to a more interesting contest. But even if it doesn't, Eyan of Fat Roland fame has found a way to make F1 interesting - a fantasy league.

Whats interesting about that, I hear you cry? Well, this league is slightly different as it doesn't champion the few winning drivers and cars, but rather the losers. So the worse your selected drivers and constructors do, the better your team does. Its a great idea and cracking fun. Look at the site here and consider signing up for this year. It only takes a few minutes and costs a few pounds to enter, but all the money goes into the prize fund.

If you needed more evidence of the inherent craziness of F1, you need look no further than the story behind the new Honda's paintjob. Apparently, in order to save the earth, Honda has nobly removed advertising from the car and hope that the 'Earth Car' paint job will encourage people to look after the environment. Most admirable sentiments undermined completely by the fact that the cars will be responsible for emitting over 50 tonnes of carbon dioxide this season. That is over five times the amount emitted by the average UK driver in 12 months. Clearly the person who thought that marketing idea up is a total moron....

Read the full story here

Movies:

splu.net's Chad Vader Day Shift Manager **** Genius! Watch it now!

Fight Club *****

The Prestige ***

Shock as Penguin learns to use Net

What is the greatest threat facing humankind? Is it global warming? George Bush sparking off World War 3? Global overpopulation? Meteors/aliens from outer space? Bird Flu?

I think I have seen a glimpse of the future. We are so focused on our own actions or interventions from the heavens that we have neglected a possible threat in our own back yard.

Penguins.......

Oh they may look cute and cuddly or humorous as they waddle about, but under the facade of the amusing bird, a cunning and evil mind lurks in every penguin. I was tipped off to the potential scale of the Penguin Threat(TM) when I saw this news story. Roxy the Rockhopper penguin has learnt how to use the internet.... This evil genius of a bird has overcome the lack of gripping appendages to set up her own Myspace page in order to find love. If they can learn to do that, what else can penguins learn to do?!

Hack the T'interweb?

Learn to operate firearms?

Sing in barbershop style singing groups? Noooooooooooo!

Just look at these two ill-favoured characters, what evil are they plotting, what cunning dreams lie within their diabolical brains?

The destruction of all that we hold dear in this world, thats what!

Don't say you haven't been warned. You heard about the Penguin Threat(TM) here first.

I have emailed my old mate George Bush about this, expect to see the War on Penguins springing into effect very soon

Movies & Other Stuff:
The Two Towers Extended Edition *****
Troy ***
Eddie Izzard - Glorious *****
Lots of Stargate SG1 ****
Gattaca ****

Pic 'n' Mix

My half-term is slipping away with disconcerting swiftness and I feel I still haven't properly chilled out yet. Oh well, no rest for the wicked as they say...

This post is a bit of Pic 'n' Mix of random things that have been accumlating in the relevant parts of my brain. There are three things. (Did you know that 3 is the first odd prime number, and the second smallest prime after two? Of course you did, my dear intelligent readers, I would expect nothing less from such wonderful people)

1) Fat Roland has begun an odyssey of picture posts related to the Theatre of Noise podcast. Read the highly amusing and spectacularly random first post here.

2) Lent has sneaked up on me like a room full of ninjas playing Sleeping Pirate. One of my favourite websites Ship of Fools is offering advice on 40 things to do during Lent here. It's a great list, go and look and consider doing a few of them.

3) I introduced my American friend Nat to traditional church services by dragging her to the Ash Wednesday Sung Eucharist at Manchester Cathedral. I think she was slightly bemused by the copious amounts of incense and all the bowing, but she was very polite about the whole thing.

Movies

Hot Fuzz (again) ****

Favourite quote: "Whats the situation?" "Two men and a f*** load of cutlery!"

Night Watch *****

Currently Listening to:

Muse - Black Holes & Revelations

Iona - Anthology

Memory

This part of February appears to be passing in flurry of Penguins blog action, and this post a few days ago got me thinking about some of my earliest memories.

Valerie & patroclus expressed an interest in knowing more about why I have been chased by monkeys. As this is one of my earliest memories it got me thinking about some of the others, so...

In my early years my Dad was in the army and for reasons that (at least to me) lie buried in the mists of time, he was posted in Hong Kong for two years. I was about 3 when we arrived, blinking furiously in the sun and heat, and the majority of my most vivid early memories come from that time in Hong Kong. So for your delectation, here are the most vivid four (as 4 is my favourite number today) in reverse order:

4: At that time, the main airport in Hong Kong was not outside the city as it is now, so the block of flats where we lived was on the main flight path. Planes would often fly very low over the most densely populated areas of Kowloon City. It was very loud but very spectacular, particularly at night. I remember that we used to sit on the balcony of the flat (I vaguely remember it being near the top of the block) and watch these huge planes roar overhead. We used to play a game where we we would try and guess what airline the plane was before it came close enough to see the livery. This video will show you just how low they used to fly.

3: My favourite drink was apple juice and I vividly remember that the cartons had unfeasibly bright and colourful apples on them.* I remember sitting at the table in the flat with my Mum drinking apple juice and painting with those paint kits that have hard tablets of paint (a bit like this). While I was painting, my Mum would usually chase around the flat after my little brother as he climbed all over everything, periodically breaking things with a little mischievous grin on his face.

2: While living in Hong Kong we went on a holiday to Malaysia. My younger brother was perhaps 1 or 2 years old and at the time of the holiday was rather ill and cried a lot. One morning my Dad took me out very early to escape the caterwauling. We walked down to the beach and sat on a big rock at the end of it and watched the sun rise and the fishing boats making their way back in after a night's fishing.

1: Finally, the most vivid memory of all. In Malaysia, we had a trip to a park where a colony of wild monkeys could be fed by gullible tourists and their stupid children (me). You bought a bag of peanuts and then could fling them at unsuspecting monkeys. I remember feeling a bit nervous about these fuzzy potential killing machines. However, I spied a small cute one at the base of a tree and trundled over to feed it a peanut. What happened next is hazy as it appears to have been blocked out by the gut-wrenching terror. It would appear that the mother of said small cute monkey took exception to me and proceeded to chase me away from her young. Looking back it felt like I was being chased by a pack of slavering bloodthirsty monsters all infinitely more terrifying than King Kong. The reality is probably somewhat more mundane, but these are my memories and I will please myself thank you very much...

I saw an exhibition on Saturday at Urbis marking the 10 year anniversary of Hong Kong's handover to China. Its worth checking out. But it reminded of two more things that I remember about Hong Kong.

The Star Ferries and the cable cars:

I'd be interested to hear about other people's earliest memories. Particularly if they involve conflict with animals...

edited for some shocking spelling. I am most ashamed.

* 22/02 - I am reliably informed by my Dad that the juice I was so fond of was in fact Mango juice, not apple. Well, all I can say is that pictures of mangoes and apples look similar to a 3/4 year old. So there.

Torn

In a rather surreal moment at school, my subject mentor showed me this marvellous video of David Armand peforming a mime to Natalie Imbruglia's Torn.

He then performed it at Amnesty International's Secret Policeman's Ball with Natalie Imbruglia who was a real sport and joined in. See that here.

Quizzery Vol. 2

OK, here is the theme round from the last Eyan/Dan/Lee monthly pub quiz. You can see the rest of the quiz here and here.



This great round was Dan's and it is themed around the inconceivably popular board game Scrabble.

1. What percentage of British Households owns a Scrabble set?

2. The Opening Move. The words that will score you the most points in an opening move are SQUEEZY or QUARTZY. What score would you get, bearing in mind the 50-points for using all 7 tiles and the score of the tiles is doubled? a) 124 b) 126 c) 128

3. There are a number of different sources of words. Standards dictionaries will usually suffice but competition players use official word lists. What are the restrictions in place governing the legality of a word in Scrabble. What elements make a word illegal in Scrabble?

4. According to the Association of British Scrabble Players Website a number of documentary films have been made about the game. Which of these is NOT the title a documentary?
a) Scrabylon b) Word Wars c) All Letters Are Not Created Equal

5. In 1986 the standard format of competition Scrabble tiles was changed from traditional wood to plastic. What was the reason for this?

6. High Scoring Words. The basic score for each of these words is 28, but what do they mean?
JUMBOIZE
BEZIQUES
QUIZZERY

7. Questions about Scrabble Tournaments. If you had been competing in last weekend’s Scrabble Tournament in Perth and you had taken you own timing device what would you have received in return?
a) Free Biscuits and Coffee
b) £1 off the entrance fee
c) A Comfy Chair

8. If you take part in the Inaugural Wirral Open Scrabble Tournament at Leasowe Castle Hotel and you are found to be sharing a room without paying for it what will happen?
Will you be:
a) beaten with full bags of competition tiles
b) have 50 points deducted from your final score
c) disqualified from the Inaugural Wirral Open Scrabble Tournament… the shame

9. Some of the highest scoring words are those with two Z’s. Not counting enhanced squares, what is the basic score for placing two Z’s on the board?

10. There are a number of different versions of Scrabble for sale in the UK, from Argos and Toys R Us, name as many of them as you can.

Enjoy! I will post the answers sometime next week.
If you use the interweb to get the answers I will know and come round to your house and beat you with a full bag of competition tiles. You have been warned...

* The answers are now in the comments. Enjoy the scrabble related trivia....

Currently Listening to:
Dead Poetic - Vices

7

I stole this from patroclus who has a cracking blog - do go and read it.

Seven Things I Have Wanted To Be
1. A professional radio DJ
2. More intelligent
3. Able to play the guitar
4. Better at cricket
5. Not afraid of wasps
6. A traveller
7. Thinner

Seven Things I Have Been
1. A youth worker
2. Married
3. Separated
4. Unhappy
5. Content
6. Happy
7. Chased by monkeys

Movies
Hot Fuzz ****
I saw Hot Fuzz tonight. I liked it very much. If only for the sight near the end of Tim from Spaced and an ex James Bond fighting amongst the buildings of a model village! It was like a homage to those marvellous Godzilla vs Mothra style B Movies. Go and see it, its really very funny...

Верхняя Шестерня

(Top Gear in Russian....)
Just watched tonight's Top Gear on BBC2. Absolute genius...
I laughed so much all the way through it. Highlights included:

• Jeremy Clarkson driving a Camaro with a huge dead cow strapped to the top of the car.
• Richard Hammond driving through red-neck central in Alabama in a white pickup with 'Man Love Rules OK' in pink writing down the side.
• Fat Stig.
• Jeremy's in car shower cooling system & Hammonds truck mounted BBQ
• James May calling the other two 'insufferable oafs'. (Great insult...must use it soon)

However, possibly the most disturbing thing was the way the cast and crew were literally run out of the Alabama town of Bagdad by a stone hurling. red-neck mob. (Admittedly, their cars were daubed with vaguely inflammatory slogans like the one recorded above and 'Hillary for President' and 'Country & Western is Rubbish'). But it was still a extreme over-reaction. Surely these people can't be so insecure in their beliefs that the sight of 3 middle aged men in cars with silly slogans on them incites them to such a violent reaction?

But the most memorable footage was the shots of New Orleans one year after Hurricane Katrina. It was rather sobering to see how devastated much of the city still is.

Movies:
V for Vendetta ****
Kind Hearts & Coronets *****
Music & Lyrics ***

(As I have mentioned elsewhere, this is not normally the type of movie I would see, but I quite enjoyed it. I find it difficult to really dislike Hugh Grant, it would be like kicking a puppy)

Currently listening to:
Starflyer 59 - My Island
Showbread - Age of Reptiles

Quizzery Vol 1

The quiz that Eyan, Dan and I run on a monthly basis rumbled through East Didsbury once again like a cement mixer full of FACT and KNOWLEDGE.

Eyan may post his general knowledge and picture rounds on his blog at some point. I did a sports round this time, and here it is:

1) A Man Utd goalkeeper has not played for England for 22 years. What is the name of the Utd keeper who will change that against Spain on the 7th Feb?

2) What was the scoreline of the England v Scotland rugby union game played on Saturday 3rd Feb?

3) Which former Test Cricket umpire is suing the the ICC & the PCB for racial discrimination following last summer’s ball tampering controversy?

4) What is unusual about Ralphie the buffalo, the live mascot for the Colorado Buffalos? (American football team).

5) When Lennox Lewis retired, he was the first reigning heavyweight champion boxer to retire since Rocky Marciano. When did Lewis retire? June 2003, Feb 2004, July 2005

6) Ronnie O’Sullivan won the Snooker Masters at Wembley Arena in January. Who was his opponent in the final?

7) How many career wins does 2006 F1 champion Fernando Alonso have? 15, 25 or 30

8) "When you are in the rough the most important thing to remember is to make sure you get out. Don't be greedy and attempt to hit the ball too far from heavy rough. You may only manage to shift it a few yards and end up in even worse trouble". What number iron would you use to get out of the rough?

9) In tennis, who won January’s Australian open?

10) Name five Premiership, Football League or Conference teams that begin and end with the same letter.

I will post Dan's Scrabble theme round tomorrow...

*Edit 17th Feb - The answers are now lurking in the comments...

Two things that make me happy.

Two things have happened that have contributed to me feeling rather cheerful this week.

Firstly, I have started my second PGCE school placement which has been great. It is a very different school to my previous placement, and I have some classes that I'm sure will turn out to be 'interesting'. However, I am just glad to be back in school after a month in university. Teaching makes me happy...

Secondly....

It snowed on my way to school this morning! I love snow. This was taken this morning, unfortunately due to the rubbishness of my camera phone, you can't see how much snow was coming down, but trust me it was lots! I actually got off my bus 2 stops early so I would have further to walk in the snow. I've always liked walking while snow is falling, it makes me feel very very alive.

It was wonderful, all the other people who walked past me must have thought I was mad as they were all hunched up against the snow and wind and I was walking through it with a big silly grin on my face. Snow makes me happy...

Movies:
Kingdom of Heaven: Director's Cut ****
Come & See *****
The Machinist ****

Hmmm, Podcast Action

Hurrah!

I have finally beaten the elaborate uploading process on myspace and managed to post the shiny new Theatre of Noise Podcast. It was recorded in a dungeon at a secret location somewhere in Manchester City Centre and is a small flavour of the Theatre of Noise shows that will terrorise South Manchester on Refresh FM at Easter. It is a bit raw and due to copyright reasons music-less, but hopefully quite entertaining.

It contains a myriad of delights* including perennial TON favourite, the Chainsaw Challenge, an exclusive interview with Jade Goody** and a shiny new game called Feel My Sack. During said game, Dan used his new fangled image recording device/phone to film the game in progress, Eyan then used a wondrous confabulator to upload it to Youtube...

Listen with your ears here: myspace.com/thequiteearlyshow

Watch with your eyes here: Feel My Sack Vid

Smell with your nose here: Erm...

Do have a listen, although I had to reduce the quality to post it on evil myspace. A Quite Early Show podcast was recorded too and will follow when I have regained the will to live.

Below is the stirring sight of the Chris Bowater CD destroyed in the Chainsaw Challenge. It was literally on fire due to the ferocity with which Fil angle-ground it.
('Angle-ground' is a new word I invented to describe the process of using an angle grinder in the past tense)

* No actual delights promised
** No real Jade Goody promised

Secret Postcards

This is from the marvellous Postsecret project which is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Check it out here.

Some of them are funny, some are very touching and some are downright disturbing!

Purgatory

This is brilliant. Hat-tip to Sarah

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the test here

Apparently I am well on my way to being safely in Purgatory on my death according to Dante's Inferno. I'm not sure if that means I should be happy or whether I should cut loose and have a little more fun to raise my other levels!

Right, I haven't done any movies for a bit so quite a few:

Galaxy Quest ****
Robin Hood:Prince of Thieves **** (Surprisingly good fun!)
John Carpenters Vampires *
Shaolin Soccer ****
Eragon *
Back to the Future *****
Intacto *****
Rocky 6 ***
Apocalypto **
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen *

Some words about the last film I think. LXG (as it is also known) is a dreadful film. But it really shouldn't have been. It draws on great source material, Alan Moore's graphic novel series. It has a great idea at its centre; transposing characters from literature like Allan Quatermain, Mina Harker, Jekyll & Hyde, the immortal Dorian Gray, Captain Nemo & Professor Moriarty to an alternative Victorian world. It's got some great actors, a large budget and the director who made the first Blade movie so enjoyable.

However, it falls down on so many levels. Firstly, the studio decided that it was too Brit-centric and added their own US literature hero Tom Sawyer as a Victorian US secret service agent. For goodness sake, Tom Sawyer! Bloody awful. Then the special effects are really, really sloppy, the dialogue is hilariously bad, the plot is muddled and probably worst of all, the film treats us like idiots and assumes that we know nothing about these great literary characters.

However, it does have a wonderful quote from Stuart Townsend as the invulnerable Dorian Gray (who was also absent from the original graphic novel). On being shot a multitude of times by a level one grunt he opens his shirt to show the doomed evil lackey the bullet holes healing. The guy asks "What are you?" To which the laconic reply is "I'm complicated". Easily the best bit of the film...

Exclusive Press Release

9/10ths Full of Penguins is pleased to announce that we have been chosen by Endemol to exclusively reveal their latest press release. *

"Endemol, producers of hit television phenomena Big Brother, Chantelle's Dream Dates, Fool Around with my Girlfriend and the incomparable Killer Shark Live, are proud to announce our latest project:

'Chew, Kitty, Chew'

Having changed the face of 'Social Experiments' forever with Big Brother, Endemol is now tackling history programming. We want to bring our unique and challenging perspective to the great arena of time, while still maintaining the popular edge that helps us to connect with young people and young adults today.

The concept behind 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' is very simple. We want to bring to life ancient Roman civilization and entertainment for today's jaded viewers. So we propose to re-introduce the feeding of feared minorities to lions. Of course, this being a reality TV show, the viewers will be able to experience the full bone-crunching, flesh-tearing experience in the very latest High Defnition technology for 24 hours a day.

Each week, 5 contestants from a variety of groups and backgrounds will be pitted against each other in humiliating and amusing tasks and battles. The two contestants who fail to impress the celebrity Judges (already confirmed Jade Goody, George Galloway & Jodie Marsh) will go head to head in a public vote. The person receiving the least votes will then be thrown into the lion pit and torn mercilessly limb from limb, very much in the manner of this zebra:

As well as nightly highlight programmes on Channel 4, a constant 24 hour feed live from both the lion and victim compounds will be broadcast. 'Chew, Kitty, Chew' will explore both sides of the coin, with in-depth interviews with our star lions, asking them what it feels like to taste human flesh and giving them an opportunity to share in this clash of cultures. There will also be a range of exciting extra nightly programmes to deepen the 'Chew' experience:

Big Kitty's Big Teeth with Russell Brand. We are delighted to have Russell on board discussing the finer points of dismemberment with a invited panel of lion experts and superfluous/irrelevant celebrity guests in his own inimitable style. Russell's agent tells us that he is very much looking forward to bringing his annoyingly faux-fop comedy stylings to this late night show.

Big Kitty's Little Cub with Dermot Murnaghan. Sadly Dermot O'Leary was unable to join the 'Chew' team due to an early production meeting accident involving 5 wolverines and a pound of sausages. However, we are pleased to announce Dermot Murnaghan as the host of our early evening 'sideways' look at events in the compounds. Dermot will be joined by a marginally better class of celebrity who will be along for all the fun and a few surprises no doubt!

Finally, hosting the main event will be Davina McCall who unfortunately tied us in to a contract that enables her to have first refusal on presenting any of our programmes. However, we have have tied her into a contract that requires her to be heavily pregnant during the show's run.

If you want to take part in 'Chew, Kitty, Chew', open auditions will be taking place in Manchester, London, Birmingham and Glasgow in March. Please bring with you an audition tape of you being lightly mauled by an animal of your choice. Please also bring a copy of your will and proof of your feared minority status. Dangerously unstable people will also be considered...

Endemol, making cutting edge TV with BITE!"

*Not actual press release

Inspiring II

This is one of the most potent and challenging cartoons I have seen in a long time.*

*I can't remember where I got this from, so in the unlikely event the cartoonist sees this, let me know so I can link it properly!

Inspiring!

I want to teach at pirate school!!
We had a very inspiring guest lecturer on our PGCE course today.

Last week we had to hand in the most boring essay in the world on Language and Diversity and I know that personally I felt a little bogged down in the bureaucracy and hoop-jumping element of training to be a teacher. In some ways these things are necessary, but not really that inspirational, so it was very encouraging to hear someone talk practically, but also passionately about teaching. I think our regular tutor has a bit of a raw deal having to teach us about how to mark A Level papers, various syllabi (is that even a word?) and a myriad other vital but hardly thrilling topics. Anyhoo....

How about some quiz answers?

For the two people who are waiting with bated keyboard fingers for these:

General Knowledge Round

1) Matthew Hoggard 2) George Galloway 3) Gobi Desert 4) Dante's Divine Comedy 5) Torchwood 6) Vicar of Dibley 7) Indiana Jones 4 8) Queen 9) this story 10) Heathrow Airport

Dan's Music Round

1) Aida & Verdi 2) 42million, Over 250, 6, Organ Pipe 3) A Moment Like This by Leona 4) A Day in the Life, Help!, Hey Jude, I Want to Hold Your Hand, Norwegian Wood, Strawberry Fields, Yesterday 5) Englebert Humperdinck 6) Raymond Quinn, 7) Crazy by Gnarls Barkley 8) Guitar, Violin, Cello 9) Platoon, Clockwork Orange, 2001, Top Gun 10) Any two of these.

Well done to Sarah who was the only one brave enough to post her answers!

Edited following harsh grammatical criticism from Fat Roland

"Iraq Surge"

By Mikhaela Reid of www.mikhaela.net

You know, I had a long, funny, angry and exquisitely eloquent post prepared on George Bush's new plan for Iraq. But having finished it and read it back, it just didn't feel right to post. I felt that with the announcement today of the names of the British servicemen killed in Iraq and Afghanistan in the last couple of days, it wasn't really appropriate.

So instead I want to appeal for a sense of proportion and restraint from Bush and his cronies (Karl Rove & Dick Cheney are of course 9/10th Full of Penguins regulars). Statements like these from George Bush in his speech outlining his new plan in Iraq worry me.

"[Stabilizing the region] begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq."

"Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq."

"I recently ordered the deployment of an additional carrier strike group to the region. We will expand intelligence sharing - and deploy Patriot air defence systems to reassure our friends and allies. We will work with the governments of Turkey and Iraq to help them resolve problems along their border."

"And we will work with others to prevent Iran from gaining nuclear weapons and dominating the region."

The implications of these statements, underlined by Dick Cheney's thinly veiled threats to Iran made yesterday, are terrifying. I will leave you to consider those implications....

For those who wish to read the full text of George Bush's statement look here. It makes for illuminating reading.

Quiztastic Vol 2

....and there was much rejoicing!!

I have finally finished the most boring essay in the world... so to (um) celebrate here is, as promised to Sarah, the rest of the Penguins/Fat Roland/Dan quiz.

General Knowledge:

1) Who was England's leading wicket taker in the disastrous Ashes series?

2) Name the politician who disturbed the nation in last year's 'Sleb BB by pretending to be a cat?

3) In which of the world's deserts can temperatures reach over 50oC in summer and -40oC in the winter? Gobi, Sahara or Egypt's White Desert.

4) The Vatican is planning to stage an opera based in which classic medieval poem?

5) What is the name of BBC Three's Dr Who spinoff?

6) Which programme had the highest ratings on terrestrial TV this Christmas?

7) Which of the following film sequels is not being released in 2007? Spiderman 3, Die Hard 4, Rocky 6 or Indiana Jones 4.

8) Which band did Radio 2 listeners crown the greatest British band of all time?

9) Its far too long to type out Q9 - so I'll just give you the answer..."I'm the Bishop of Southwark, its what I do"

10) Which UK airport was struggling with a literal lost luggage mountain?

Music

(by Dan, who's got some class, so the pleb questions in here were added by Eyan & I on the night, they are not his fault!)

1) a)Name the opera that was staged a La Scale in Milan in December

b) Name the composer of this opera?

2) a) How much did it cost to build the Bridgewater Hall? 32, 42 or 52 million quid

b) How many performances are held in it each year? Over 250, 300 or 350?

c) How many Steinway Grand pianos does it have? 2,4 or 6?

d) It also boasts a 'Bourdan 16 footer' outside the swell, which is 30% tin. What is this?

3) What was the Christmas No 1?

4) The Beatles featured 7 times in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame's 500 most influential songs.

Name them.

5) What improbably named singer was born in India as Arnold George Dorsey?

6) Name this year's X Factor runner up?

7) What was the biggest selling single of 2006?

8) Which instrument links the following performers?

a) Julian Bream, John Williams, Slash

b) Nigel Kennedy, Vanessa Mae, Nicola Bendetti

c) Yo Yo Ma, Jacqueline DuPre, Julian Lloyd Webber

9) Music from films. Name the film that famously feat. the following music:

a) Barber's Adagio for Strings

b) Beethoven's Symphony No 9

c) Strauss' Blue Danube

d) Maria McKee's Take my Breath Away

10) Name 2 songs from Gershwins opera Porgy & Bess?

Phew lots of text....have a psychotic penguin

The answers for the picture round in Quiztastic Vol 1 are buried in the comments!

Heroes & Villains

Superhero

You are Superman:
You are mild-mannered, good,strong and you love to help others.

Superman 75%
Hulk 55%
Iron Man 55%
Spider-Man 50%
Robin 50%
Green Lantern 45%
Supergirl 40%
Batman 35%
The Flash 35%
Catwoman 20%
Wonder Woman 15%

Supervillain

You are Apocalypse:

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest

Apocalypse 58%
Dr. Doom 50%
Magneto 47%
Juggernaut 44%
Mr. Freeze 42%
Lex Luthor 33%
Dark Phoenix 33%
Kingpin 30%
The Joker 29%
Green Goblin 20%
Venom 18%
Riddler 18%
Poison Ivy 15%
Catwoman 6%
Two-Face 4%
Mystique 0%

Check out these amusing quizzes at:

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain

You know, I'm not sure if Superman is entirely accurate, but what disturbs me more is that while I may be 75% Superman, I am also 15% Wonder Woman....

Quiztastic Vol 1

One of the things that I do that I rather enjoy is run a monthly pub quiz at a very civilised venue in Didsbury. I run it with Eyan and Dan, we do a round each, have a laugh and drink beer - often at the same time, resulting in much spluttering. Eyan has posted his round on famous James' from this month's quiz on his blog here. I have decided to shamelessly follow suit as I did the picture round this month and I am very proud of it.

Using the medium of magic pixie dust I have removed the titles from these posters of the best movies of 2006. Your task gentle reader, is to guess the missing title. No cheating now (and I'll mystically know if you cheat) and the person who gets them all right first will win a prize.*

*no actual prizes on offer

Answers some time later in the week!

*edit - don't look at the comments till you've had a go as the answers are in there!*

Dancing Penguin

Check out the penguin "havin' it large"

Makes me chuckle every time!

Oooo - see the moving pictures....

Happy New year blog readers!

A bumper crop of movies from this Christmastide (um - is that a word?). As usual, TV was unutterably dreadful over the Christmas period (Vicar of Dibley anyone?) and only the presence of some cracking films enlivened it in any way.

Lawrence of Arabia *****
Equilibrium ***
The Da Vinci Code *
My goodness, it is so unbelievably bad it makes the dire source material seem like a masterpiece !
The 39 Steps ****
Gladiator *****
Van Helsing ***
Pirates of the Carribean ***
Blade Runner Directors Cut *****
The Birds *****
The Usual Suspects ****
Kind Hearts and Coronets *****
Batman Begins *****
United 93 *****

Even though 2007 is shaping up to be the year of the sequel; some of which look like being good (Spiderman 3, the Bourne Ultimatum), some of which look like being OK (Harry Potter 5, Die Hard 4) and most of which look completely superfluous (Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Rocky 6, Shrek 3, Oceans 13, Evan Almighty, Resident Evil:Extinction) or awful (Rush Hour 3, Fantastic 4 (um) 2, National Treasure 2, Saw 4).

So to help you fight your way through the overwhelming fog of sequels I have selected a few movies that should be well worth checking out this coming year:

300 (March 2007)
A highly stylised film about the battle of Thermopylae where 300 Spartans held the entire Persian army in 480BC. Check the trailer out, its a bit shouty but it looks incredible.

Hot Fuzz (Feb 2007)
A hollywood style police action flick. Set in rural England. With Nick Frost & Simon Pegg. What, you need more convincing? Check the trailer here

Tales of Earthsea (Jun 2007)



From the the same stable as Spirited Away, a Miyazaki anime adaptation of Ursula K Le Guin's classic fantasy novels. If the film is as good as its artwork, it will be wonderful.


The Simpsons Movie (Jul 2007)
Enough said - watch the brilliant trailer here

Also watch out for Transformers (!), The Fountain, Sunshine, 28 Weeks Later, Zodiac, Curse of the Broken Flower

The 9/10ths Full of Penguins Review of the Year

It seems to me that just about everything and everyone is doing their 'review of the year' or their 'annual awards' at the moment. I felt that I may as well jump on the bandwagon and bore you with my best and worst things of the year.

Worst Moment

2006 has been a difficult year for me. It didn't start very well as I separated from my wife in January. This led to me having to reassess my whole life; where I was going, what I was doing, even to a certain extent who I was. It was a hugely painful time and in some ways I still miss her. However, our decision was mutual and both of us are much happier apart than we were together, although that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

Best Moment

One of the things that arose from the situation above was a reconsidering of my career choices. I decided to apply for teacher training, got accepted and started my PGCE course in September. Its not easy, but I love teaching and so far have done very well. My best moment was a very simple thing. I was sitting at the staffroom work-table in my placement school writing up lesson plans and unbeknowst to myself I was humming. A teacher walked past and said that I sounded very chirpy for a man doing his paperwork. Without really thinking about it, I replied that it was because I was happy. On reflection I realised that I was indeed very happy with my life at the moment, which has made me understand that sometimes good things can come out of a difficult time.

Best TV

Probably the best TV series I've seen this year has been the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. It may seem geeky, but the Guardian recently crowned it the year's best contemporary political drama, which is in no way a joke. I've watched the whole of the first 2 seasons and am currently part way through the latest series. It is one of the darkest TV programmes I have ever seen, the last remnants of the human race battle for survival amid political corruption, military coups, terrorism, torture, suicide bombers and plans for genocide. Good sci-fi always reflects the present and if any fiction programme highlights the cost of US & UK foreign policy round the world this year better than Battlestar, I have yet to see it.

Honourable mentions also go to Planet Earth, Spooks, Top Gear, Torchwood & American Dad.

Dishonourable mentions go to the re-imagined Robin Hood, all the 'reality' shows (on principle, I luckily avoided watching any of them), ITV in general.

Best Film

Good Night & Good Luck

Also: Children of Men, Severance, United 93, The Departed

Worst Film

Crank

Also: World Trade Center

Best Book

Terry Pratchett - Thud!

I know its not highbrow, but it was the book I read this year that I loved the most. For something more intelligent, I read Ann Wroe's book on Pontius Pilate.

Best Album

Vices - Dead Poetic

Also: Muse - Black Holes & Revelations

Best News Story

A late entry, this great story. " I'm the Bishop of Southwark, its what I do" Genius!

Best Penguin Related Incident

Piglet the Stolen Penguin

Ah Bless

Worst Penguin Related Incident

The continuing hijacking of the noble penguin by the Christian Right in America for political/religious propaganda with the dull as dishwater March of the Penguins. Penguins are not a Christian allegory, they are birds, they do not have morals! If you really must bring God into it, use them as just one more example of how wondrous this gift of our planet is. They are not a heartwarming model for life showcasing the moral high ground! Honestly....

Sorry, got carried away. Anyway, that was my 2006, roll on 2007....

Merry Christmas!

Planet Earth Again!

I can't begin to tell you how much I love this programme. It is one of the only two TV programmes I will make time to watch in the week.

The most wonderful thing about Planet Earth is that every week brings new and amazing things to the screen. Sometimes the images are breathtakingly powerful like this footage of a Great White Shark strike from last weeks programme.



But equally impressive were some of the shots of the Tiger Forest south of the Arctic in tonight's programme. This huge forest is the largest on the planet and contains more trees than all the rainforests combined and produces enough oxygen for the whole of Earth. Some of the close-in shots of these ice-encrusted pine trees in their setting of glittering snow were heartstoppingly beautiful.

I am preparing some lessons on the environment and its been great to start thinking about how to enthuse my classes with some of the natural wonders of the world.

Planet Earth is one of those great BBC projects that make paying the licence fee worthwhile.....shame they keep making crap like Strictly Come Dancing.

Patriot Games ****
Slither ***
Casino Royale ***
Night Watch *****
28 Days Later ****

Currently listening to:
Emery - Studying Politics

Look, Look, Look!

I have found my new favourite blog:

(Drum Roll) The Dullest Blog in the World

It's great in every single way I can possibly think of. To give you a flavour, this entry was posted in May of this year.

"I was standing quite near to a wall. I turned my attention towards it for a few moments. Having done this for several seconds I turned away from it and carried on doing something else"

Also check out the hundreds of comments each post attracts. While you're there check out the link to the author's cartoon blog. Its rather amusing...

Movies:
Borat ****
Jurassic Park ****
Jurassic Park: The Lost World **
Jurassic Park 3 ***
(Yes, I got the Jurassic Park Ultimate boxset - its great, and I don't care what you say...)

Currently Listening to:
Jonezetta - Backstabber
Dead Poetic - Narcotic
Showbread - Oh Emetophobia

Good TV Shock Horror!

Just a couple of quick words about the BBC programme Planet Earth. What a magnificent achievement it is! Tonight's programme was about the Arctic & Antartctic and covered two of my favourite animals; Polar Bears and of course, Penguins. Oh, and I'm also loving Torchwood as well, tonight's BBC Three episode was a cracker.

Currently listening to:
Derek Webb - A New Law
Mute Math - Typical