9/10ths Full of Movies Part Eight. U to V

Welcome to Part Eight of my entirely subjective and drawn out reflection on a decade in cinematic exploits. Click here to see Parts One to Seven. Please do chip in with any obvious omissions or disagreements.

U is for Ukelele

It's getting hard to believe that M Night Shyamalan used to make good films.  His recent output has been awful, but the noughties began with arguably his best work, the hugely underrated proto-superhero film Unbreakable(00).  The actions of terrorists on the 11th September 2001 profoundly influenced the ensuing decade and it's not surprising that the movie world has been generally reluctant to mine such a recent tragedy for inspiration.  There have been some exceptions to that including the appalling World Trade Center (06) by Oliver Stone (read my thoughts from 2007) and the infinitely superior United 93 from the same year.  Bourne helmer Paul Greengrass told the story of United Airlines Flight 93 whose passengers and crew decided to fight back against their hijackers.  United 93 is a difficult film to watch but is a captivating and heartbreaking memorial to the heroism of the passengers on the plane.  In 2009 Pixar gave us the story of an old man who refuses to let his house to be demolished, so he ties helium balloons to it and floats away to have adventures with talking dogs and a pudgy boy scout.  Up's audacious opening which follows the main character from his childhood through falling in love and getting married to the death of his wife is one of the most devastating emotional sequences I've ever seen in an animation.  This gives rest of the film a certain poignancy that frames the laughs and the thrills perfectly.

V is for Velma

M Night Shyamalan continued his slow dive towards ignominy with The Village in 2004, the same year also saw the potentially interesting monster-mash Van Helsing mix Frankenstein, the Wolfman & Dracula with a horribly miscast Hugh Jackman to underwhelming results.  Mike Leigh gave us what could have been a harrowing account of a 1950s backstreet abortionist in the magnificent Vera Drake (05).  However, the powerful performances of the cast, especially a career best turn from Imelda Staunton and Leigh's celebrated realist approach make the film a defiantly human take on what is often portrayed as a black and white issue.  In 2006, the Wachowski brothers released their follow up to the Matrix trilogy; a dark and stylish adaptation of Alan Moore's graphic novel V for Vendetta.  As with all Moore adaptations, it can't come close to matching the complex and rich source material but the Wachowskis had a damn good go.  In a post-9/11 climate pitching a movie where the central hero is a bomb-wielding terrorist is a fairly bold move.  The end of the decade saw a mini rush of viking movies.  Pathfinder (07) and Outlander (08) mixed native americans and entertaining aliens respectively with our Norse friends to mixed affect.  However, 2010's Valhalla Rising took a different path and told the tale of a mute viking warrior in an intriguing exploration of good and evil.  One Eye, a mysterious man of almost supernatural strength, escapes from his captors and throws his lot in with a group of Crusaders.  What ensues is not an action movie, but a bleakly beautiful (if occasionally brutal) journey into the heart of darkness (*cliche alert*).  The film is very ambiguous about One-Eye; is he just a man caught in the wrong place, or is he an instrument of vengeance on the repulsive crusaders sent to take them to hell?

Part the ninth coming soon...the end is nigh.

Short Review of Star Trek 2:The Wrath of Khan

Star Trek 2 came out in 1982 after the first movie outing in 1979 failed to strike the balance between pure sci-fi and crowd-pleasing action adventure. Proper director Nicholas Meyer got to play with the cast before they became antiques and had the franchise's best villain to chase them around. Ricardo Montalban chews the scenery with aplomb and drenches the dialogue in his fabulous accent as the eponymous grouchy protagonist. 

Rather than the frenetic screen-filling battles of JJ Abrams' Trek, Meyer gives us tense scenes more reminiscent of submarine combat. It's the sparing use and reminders of the cost of violence that raises Khan over all other Trek films. The cast get to show some range as they face the loss of new recruits and old friends alike. The easy interplay among Kirk, Spock & McCoy is funny and touching and the film also has the most imitated Shatner moment ever – KHHHHAAAAAANNNNN! 

Rating ****

Short review of Ponyo

I’ve loved Hayao Miyazaki’s exquisite anime creations since catching Princess Mononoke by chance on a damp October afternoon in 2000.  I was entranced by this window into another culture’s legends.  Since then I’ve watched all his films and I’m continually impressed by the creativity Studio Ghibli cram into each creation. 

Ponyo is loosely based on Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid.  When a fish-girl is rescued by a boy named Sosuke and christened Ponyo, she decides that she wants to become human to be with him.  She escapes from her overbearing father and accidentally releases his stored magic into the ocean, endangering the entire world.   This film is simply magical, especially in the sequence where Ponyo rides the rising waves from her home to Sosuke’s island which is a leaping, soaring masterpiece of hand-drawn animation.  Although it's technically a kid’s film, Ponyo will delight the young and the young at heart in equal measure.

Rating ****

The King's Speech is Alright

I have written two reviews of The King's Speech for other blogs.

The Kings Speech at the re/action blog.  All long and serious like.

The King's Speech at Screen 150.  All short and a bit frivolous, with a silly hand drawn picture from me.

A Duel of Directors

There are some directors who never really break the boundaries of their chosen genre.  Consider if you will the varying outputs of the Andersons.  Wes Anderson rarely leaves the quirky ground he has claimed for himself in The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore and The Life Aquatic.  Paul WS Anderson on the other hand has almost exclusively confined his output to videogame adaptations such as the Resident Evil franchise, the dire Alien vs Predator and the epic Mortal Kombat (not actually epic).

However, there are others who do bravely switch between genres and often generate quality whatever pool they are paddling in.  I've chosen the four best examples of these mainstream style-hoppers and selected what I consider to be their best film in a number of categories.  The winner is the director with the highest number of stars awarded.  So, going toe-to-toe are Ridley Scott, Steven Spielberg, Danny Boyle and Stanley Kubrick.
 

Category	Scott	Spielberg	Boyle	Kubrick
Sci-fi	Blade Runner (1982) *****	Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) ****	Sunshine (2007) ****	2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) *****
Historical	Gladiator (2000) *****	Amistad (1997) ****	N/A	Barry Lyndon (1975) ****
Fantasy	Legend (1985) ***	Jurassic Park (1993) ****	N/A	N/A
Children's	N/A	E.T (1982) *****	Millions (2004) ****	N/A
True Story	White Squall (1996) ***	Munich (2005) *****	127 Hours (2010) ****	Spartacus (1960) *****
Action	Robin Hood (2010) ***	Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) *****	Trainspotting (1996) *****	N/A
Crime	Thelma & Louise (1991) *****	Catch Me If You Can (2002) ****	Shallow Grave (1994) ****	The Killing (1956) ****
Comedy	A Good Year (2006) **	1941 (1979) ***	A Life Less Ordinary (1997) ***	Dr Strangelove (1964) *****
War	Black Hawk Down (2001) ****	Saving Private Ryan (1998) *****	N/A	Full Metal Jacket (1997) *****
Horror	Alien (1979) *****	Jaws (1975) *****	28 Days Later (2002) ****	The Shining (1980) *****
Drama	Body of Lies (2008) ****	The Color Purple (1985) ****	Slumdog Millionaire (2008) *****	Lolita (1962) ****
TOTAL	37 stars	48 stars	33 stars	47 stars

Spielberg by Amir Taqi

So the victor is the mighty Spielberg (although to be honest, Kubrick managed only one star less despite having 3 fewer films in the list so it could be argued he's the better director).  A purely imaginary trophy is currently winging it's way to Hollywood-land with Mr Spielberg's name badly inscribed by my own fair hands.

(In case your wondering Paul WS Anderson with Shopping, Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, Resident Evil, Alien vs Predator & Death Race would have scored a paltry ten stars)

Top Ten Films of 2010 Part Two: Five to One

Welcome to the second part of my review of 2010 in movie-land.  Find Part One here.   In this installment I will unveil my top five films of 2010 plus the ten worst dismissed in three words each.

5  The King's Speech
At first glance this film seems the type of Oscar-desperate snoozefest I can't stand.  Intense and wordy, packed with character actors and a main character with a disability or disfigurement.  It's the type of film that the Academy voters seem unable to ignore.  However, the film is a well crafted, well acted and genuinely uplifting tale of the reluctant king with a stammer overcoming his shortcomings with the help of Geoffrey Rush's unconventional speech therapist.

4  Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Edgar Wright's first 'Hollywood' movie was clever, inventive, fun and unique.  As a result it bombed at the cinema on both sides of the pond (let's not forget that the execrable Clash of the Titans was the 10th highest grossing film of 2010 - we should be ashamed of ourselves). However, it's insane (if imperfect) mix of stunning visuals, clever flourishes, nerd-friendly gaming references and kick-ass fight scenes should ensure it has a lasting cult appeal.  This battle of the bands fight scene between the eponymous hero and the villainous Katayanagi Twins is a work of visual genius.

3  Toy Story 3
Second best kids film for adults in 2010 or the second best grown up kids film in 2010 - I'm not sure which. Either way, Pixar carried on it's golden run with the simply wonderful Toy Story 3.  The last story of Buzz, Woody et al was funny, exciting and capable of making grown men cry (or at least get a lump in their throat).  While it doesn't scale the emotional heights of the gorgeous Up or reach the comedy plateau of The Incredibles it's still the type of movie Dreamworks wish they could make.

2  Inception
Right,  it's about dreams within dreams OK?  It's not as clever as some people said it was, but it was definitely more exacting on the brain than Clash of the Titans.  Christopher Nolan took a break from making Christian Bale gargle gravel in a cape to encourage Leonardo DiCaprio to look suitably haunted as dream thief extraordinaire Cobb.  The supporting cast were top class (including one of the final appearances by the late Pete Postlethwaite) and the special effects were spectacular.  Watch this impressive gravity defying fight scene then watch the equally impressive how-they-did-that.

1  The Secret of Kells (click here for the gorgeous trailer)
I know this choice seems willfully obscure, but it is genuinely my favourite film of 2010.  Technically it was originally released in 2009 but Secret of Kells got a limited cinema release in 2010 so it counts.  This animated adventure tells the story of a young monk called Brendan whose life changes for ever when he meets Aiden of Iona who is creating the magical Book of Kells. Set against the constant fear of Norse invasion this beautifully drawn fairy tale does not dwell on any religious material (The Book of Kells is probably the most famous illuminated Gospel in the world) and follows Brendan as he ventures from the safe walls of the abbey.  He encounters dangers but also experiences the wonder of the forest as he meets the magical sprite Aisling and battles the fearsome Crom Cruach before facing the ultimate threat as the Vikings arrive at Kells.  Directed by Tomm Moore and Nora Twomey, the film is animated in an unusual manner somewhat reminiscent of the Kells illuminations.  This is technically a kids film but tackles some dark moments (the Vikings in particular are faceless, blood-drenched shadows) while holding onto a sense of fun, wonder and delight at the world that sticks with you long after the film has ended.  It was rightfully nominated for Best Animated Feature at the 2010 Oscars and you should definitely seek out this little-seen gem for yourself.

Turkeys of the Year in 3 Words
Knight & Day - Lots of Teeth
Jonah Hex  -  Josh Hates John
Salt - Angelina Try Harder
Clash of the Titans - Giant Scorpions Suck
Burlesque - Cher Looks Old
Hot Tub Time Machine - Men Get Wet
Legion - Angels Gone Bad
Sex & The City 2 - Sand and Dresses
Skyline - All About CGI
The Wolfman - Hairy Let Down

Short Review of the Expendables

Review of the The Expendables (Sylvester Stallone 2010)

I have always had a soft spot for 80/90's action movies. Cliffhanger, Total Recall, Die Hard and Predator are classics of the genre. They haven't aged well seeming overblown and surprisingly over-violent even to our jaded modern palate. But just when you thought the days of Timecop and Cobra were gone, Sly Stallone gave us something that no-one asked for: 2010's third elite-team-of-super-soliders movie.

It's worse than you can possibly imagine. The script is appalling, the action sequences are badly choreographed bloodthirsty nonsense and the performances from the unnervingly teak-muscled old geezers would shame a plank of 2x4 . Witness this sparkling interplay:

Arnie: “Whhyyyyy doooooon't weeee haaaave dinner”

Sly: “Sure, when?”

Arnie “Innn a thowwwwssannnnd years”

Sly: “Too soon”

I really wanted to like this film, but the wit and fun of the A-Team movie easily overshadowed the wheezing efforts of Sly, Dolph & co.

Rating *

Top Ten Films of 2010 Part One: Twelve to Six

As movies have gently taken over the majority of this blog in 2010 I have decided to eschew my customary wider-ranging annual review with a look at the ten (ish) best and ten worst movies released this year.

12 (I did say ten-ish) Centurion
Neil Marshall took a break from films set in caves or films where Sean Pertwee suffers an agonising death to tell the story of the fate of the Ninth Legion. While by no means perfect, Centurion has a good cast, impressive visuals and Marshall's customary willingness to put his characters through painful and gory demises.

11 Splice
Or the heartwarming tale of two impossibly attractive scientists who splice human and animal DNA to create a curiously androgynous MONSTER called Dren. Directed by Vincenzo Natali who gave us the first Cube movie, Splice is a thinly veiled updating of the Frankenstein myth. However, this fairly disturbing (as the film nears its conclusion there are two unpleasant and unnerving sequences involving Dren and her 'parents') and stylish sci-fi horror effectively taps into very basic human fears. What happens when our children grow up (and turn into MONSTERS) and what are those pesky scientists REALLY up to.

10 Edge of Darkness
Lets not tiptoe around the elephant in the room. Mel Gibson is a massive arse; a sexist, racist, violent arse. However, removing the arse-elephant from the room, the best thing about this rather formulaic conspiracy/revenge story is a storming central performance from Mel Gibson. Director Martin Campbell does this type of film well and the supporting cast, particularly Ray Winstone and Danny Huston do some sterling work. But it really is Gibson's film, a reminder of why he's famous in the first place.


9 Shutter Island
Leonardo DiCaprio stars in the first of his two labyrinthine explorations of the human psyche released in 2010. While Inception took the science fiction route, Shutter Island is a psychological horror as Leo descends into the madness of a high security mental asylum. Scorsese really goes to town with the visual flourishes and the supporting cast was probably the best of any film released this year.



8 Monsters
It's not really about the GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS. Its a road movie/romance thing - with GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS. Read my review of Monsters on the excellent Screen 150 website

7 Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
The best Christmas film of the last 5 years is a full-length prequel to director Jalmari Helander's superb short films Rare Exports Inc and Rare Exports: The Official Safety Instructions. They explore the Finnish myth of a Santa more likely to eat small children than give them presents. The shorts are definitely not for children full-stop and A Christmas Tale is certainly not suitable for young children or people who expect their Christmas films to be twee, syrupy nonsense. However, this darkly funny grown-up fairy tale is a proper festive treat - read my review on Screen 150.

6 Kick Ass
Written by Jonathan Ross' wife and the producer of Mean Machine (Vinnie Jones' prison soccer film) and Swept Away (starring Madonna - candidate for worst movie ever made), Kick Ass struggled to get studio backing. However, Matthew Vaughn wisely refused to tone down the violence of the comic book on which the film is based and financed it himself. What he delivered is a gloriously foul-mouthed and violent take on the superhero story. The fight scenes were brilliant, the villain (the ever-excellent Mark Strong) was properly villainous, Nicholas Cage wasn't rubbish and the Daily Mail were incensed.

Tune in for Part 2 where I will reveal my top five plus the ten worst films of 2010 will be dispatched in 3 withering words each.

Short Review of Rare Exports

I hate Christmas films. They are almost without exception twee, syrupy nonsense drenched in false seasonal bonhomie. However, from time to time a dark gem sneaks down the chimney

Rare Exports from Finnish director Jalmari Helander is just such a beast. It acts as a prequel to two of his early short films exploring the myth of the original Santa Claus. This dark creature has little in common with the modern cuddly Santa more likely to eat a child than offer gifts. A team of miners unearth Santa and release it's horde of sinister bearded helpers. What ensues is what you'd imagine the cinematic offspring of Santa Claus the Movie and The Thing to look like.

While some of the effects are a bit ropey and the ending a tad anti-climactic, the concept and it's execution make for a deliciously dark grown up Del Toro-esque fairy tale.

Rating ****

Short Review of Monsters

Apparently we've been invaded by GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS. However, because its mainly in Mexico nobody really seems to care. America builds a massive wall to keep out the GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS.

But none of that is important, what really matters is the delicate exploration of the start of a beautiful relationship. Against a backdrop of GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS. A grouchy and cynical photographer is ordered to escort his boss' pretty daughter back to the safety of American soil. What ensues is a genuinely touching road-trip romance beautifully shot by writer, director, cinematographer and bedroom FX whiz Gareth Edwards. Despite the periodic intervention of GIANT OCTOPUS ALIENS don't see this film expecting Independence Day style pitched battles. This odd but rather wonderful film is the world's first romantic monster movie (don't talk to me about King Kong you sick puppies) henceforth to be known as the rom-mon genre.

Rating ****

Short Review of Resident Evil: Afterlife

Review of Resident Evil Afterlife 2D

(Or Stretching Thin Concept to Silliness)

This film is the first I’ve watched in Sparkling High Definition™

The film starts with weary protagonist Alice (played with exquisite boredom by Milla Jovovich) breaking into the bad guy’s zombie-free lair. She kicks ass – then dies. But it’s OK, she’s actually lots of clones – who kick ass and then die.

When all the clones are dead she stows away on Evil Mastermind’s planeycopter (stunning in Sparkling High Definition™). While she makes a Stallonesque quip, Mastermind injects her with something that makes her turn human (keep up). They then crash in Sparkling High Definition™ into a mountain.

Despite being human now (?) Alice inexplicably survives this inferno looking lightly singed.

Alice then flies around in Sparkling High Definition™, lands on top of a prison, fights zombies in the prison then visits Mastermind’s seagoing lair. She kicks ass, Mastermind escapes in planeycopter, then he dies.

Rating:  **

9/10ths Full of Movies Part Seven. S to T

Welcome to Part Seven of my entirely subjective reflection on a decade in cinematic exploits. Click here to see Parts One to Six. Please do chip in with any obvious omissions or disagreements.

S is for Squirrels

Possibly the weirdest film I saw in the early noughties came from Hong Kong; it was the utterly scattershot and visually brilliant Shaolin Soccer (01). The same year saw a Japanese animation take the world by storm. Spirited Away from anime genius Hayao Miyazaki won the Oscar for best animation (the only non-english animation to do so), became one of the highest grossing films of all time and opened the world of anime to a whole new audience. 2002 brought us two very contrasting sci-fi films. First of all, George Clooney starred in Steven Soderbergh's stately remake of 1972 Russian meditation on life and death Solaris. Then the dire Star Trek 10: Nemesis nailed the franchise's movie coffin firmly shut until 2009's JJ Abrams reboot Star Trek raised it from the dead. The law of diminishing returns as applied to movie quality was admirably illustrated as the Spiderman Trilogy (02, 04 and 07) went from good to mediocre to utterly appalling over three films. The Station Agent (03) was the perfect example of a movie in which very little happens yet still manages to be utterly enthralling. The story of a isolated man who inherits a disused rail station office is beautifully played by a great cast, especially Peter Dinklage in the lead role.

Edgar Wright and the Spaced crew introduced us to a new genre of film in 2004 with the rom-zom-com Shaun of the Dead. Paul Giamatti got a rare lead role in the merlot hating Sideways (04) but was unfortunately totally upstaged by the similarly underrated Thomas Haden Church. 2005 saw two much loved franchises sign off from cinema land. George Lucas brought his turgid Star Wars prequels to a welcome end with the slightly-better-than-the-others Return of the Sith. The other was the much lower profile but far superior Serenity. Based on Buffy creator Joss Whedon's short lived sci-fi series Firefly, Serenity was everything the new Star Wars movies should have been. Sadly, most people ignored it at the cinema and only a strong DVD showing has saved it from oblivion. Danny Boyle proved his extraordinary range by delivering the incredibly beautiful Sunshine(07) and the delightful Slumdog Millionaire (08).

T is for Tumeric

Edward Norton isn't a man known for a lack of intensity. In 2002 he starred in Spike Lee's captivating 25th Hour about a man spending one last day with his friends before starting a lengthy spell in jail. In the same year, the Lord of the Rings trilogy reached it's high point with the epic Two Towers. Danny Boyle (see above comment on range) brought zombie movies kicking and screaming (literally) into the noughties in 2002 with the rage fueled 28 Days Later. Juan Carlos Fresnadilo then turned things more spectacular for the 2007 sequel 28 Weeks Later. The novel approach for taking out a field of zombies with a helicopter deserves particular mention.

The most extraordinary film of 2003 was the docu-drama Touching the Void. Combining footage of actors and talking head contributions from the two climbers involved the film told a story so incredible you could be forgiven for thinking it was made up. Joe Simpson's crawl off Siula Grande with a broken leg is still regarded as one of the most amazing mountaineering stories. While we're on the topic of mountains, Tommy Lee Jones is famous for being the third craggiest man alive today. In 2005 he directed and acted in a film almost as craggy as himself, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. It was a western of sparse beauty and Jones also managed to coax a superb acting turn out of himself.

Tune in for Part Eight - U to V soon

Manchester Blog-Meetery

Do you live in Manchester?

If yes, go to the next question...

Do you blog?

If your answer is yes, why not come along to Manchester's premier (only?) semi regular Blogmeet.

It's being held at Umbro's design studio on Dale Street which is just along from Nexus Art Cafe in Manchester City Centre.

All Manchester bloggers are welcome.  Alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages will be consumed, some people will 'network' and some people will come for the friends. Everyone, I'm sure, will enjoy a natter and most people won't have read each other's blogs.

Newcomers are welcome (I certainly hope so - as I am one).  Click here for more information and to RSVP.

What is a Pope to do?

 Bless him.  Look at the frail old man waving to the crowd.  Awwww - it's good that he's allowed to come out and play every now and then.

There has been lots of hand wringing about an overly secularist media attacking the Pope and his visit to Britain.  And while the fact that his visit gives pleasure and spiritual support to UK Catholics is not in doubt for a moment the actions of the Vatican party are not immune to critcism.

Even before the Pope had arrived, aide Canon Walter Kaspar had caused controversy by declaring that the UK is like the Third World.  The Vatican then compounded the offence of this admittedly off-hand and flippant comment by suggesting that he was referrring to the multi-cultural nature of modern Britain.  The blatantly racist undertones of the defence of Kaspar seem to have gone almost completely unremarked upon in the media.

But never mind, everyone has to deal with a dodgy assistant from time to time (no doubt Benedict has an admirably arcane method of wholly inadequate punishment to hand when he gets back to Rome), let's hear from the man himself.  In a speech in Edinburgh today he appeared to liken 'aggressive forms of secularism' to the ideologies of Nazi Germany.  I'm aware that the media has taken a couple of lines of his address out of the overall context but the the fact is he should have known that juxtaposing the alleged secularism of modern multi-cultural Britain with the atrocities of Nazi Germany was bound to be controversial. 

Considering that some of the pillars of Catholic dogma (it's views on sexuality, contraception and women ministers for example) are quite reactionary, it's ironic in the extreme to compare modern atheists to Nazis - even obliquely.

As a Christian (admittedly at the more liberal end of Anglicanism) I am getting increasingly tired of religious figures attacking those airing atheistic or secularist views.  People are entitled to whatever beliefs they choose to hold, whether they be religious or not.  If you are secure in your religious beliefs, you have no need to fear the opinions of those without any.  However it seems that those at the more fundamentalist extremes of an ideology are more nervous and intolerant of differing philosophies.

9/10ths Full of Movies Part Six. P to R

Welcome to Part Six of my entirely subjective reflection on a decade in cinematic exploits. Click here to see Parts One to Five. Please do chip in with any obvious omissions or disagreements.

P is for Pomegranate

All the way back in the dim and distant early noughties Vin Diesel was being touted as the next Sly/Arnie/Bruce style big action star. Looking back over the troughs of Babylon AD and The Pacifier (avoid) its hard to believe, but his performance in the hugely underrated and exciting Pitch Black (00) show why the comparisons were made. John Hillcoat is a director very few people have heard of, which is a shame as he made a savagely brilliant Australian 'Western' in 2005's The Proposition. Nick Cave provided the sounds and the excellent screenplay while Guy Pearce and Ray Winstone caught the eye in a starry cast for such a relatively little known film. 2006 saw a pair of superb 'P' films slink through the back door into the multiplexes like a recalcitrant teen after curfew. Christopher Nolan of Batception fame delivered possibly his worst film (that is of course relative as his worst is significantly better than 72.8% of Hollywood's best) with an intriguing tale of warring Victorian stage magicians in The Prestige. While Nolan was making a film about fake magic Guillermo del Toro brought us a story of real magic and at the same time created one of the greatest films of the last twenty-five years in the matchless Pan's Labyrinth. Two worlds collide as the adopted daughter of a cruel military officer in fascist 1940s Spain discovers a world of fairies, fauns and monsters. Make no mistake though, Pan's Labyrinth is definitely not for children with its shocking violence and genuinely unnerving sequences. However, it is astoundingly beautiful to watch, while the creature design is nothing short of genius.

Q is for Quills

Unsurprisingly, there were relatively few decent films beginning with Q over the last decade so I have to be a little creative. 2000 brought us the third best Star Trek film ( for the record - 1st is Star Trek 2: Wrath of KHAAAAAAAANNNNNN and 2nd is the rebooted JJ Abrams Star Trek) which ironically wasn't a Star Trek film at all. Galaxy Quest was a glorious spoof that captured the spirit of the Trek phenomenon better than most of the films and most of the recent series too. Alan Rickman's pissed off Alexander Dane/Dr Lazarus is exactly how I imagine Leonard Nimoy/Michael Dorn must feel most of the time. James Bournd returned for his second outing as the all new 'gritty' British super-spy in Quantum of Solace (08).

Despite being inferior to Casino Royale it was still three thousand times better than The World is Not Enough. Now that we're all used to gritty Bond I wonder sometimes if Timothy Dalton ever gets cheesed off at his Bond treatment. .REC (07) was an inspired zombies-in-an-apartment-block film which had one drawback for the moron world - it wasn't in English. So Hollywood released (within a YEAR!) a shot-for-shot remake in English called Quarantine which surprised everyone by not being dreadful. The Spanish version was definitely better though.

R is for Relativism

Talking of zombies, the last ten years have been riddled with zombie movies some of which have been excellent (28 Days Later) some of which have been awful (Flight of the Living Dead). A consistent contributee to the genre has been the Resident Evil franchise which started averagely with Resident Evil in 2002 and deflated gradually but entertainingly through RE: Apocalypse (04) and RE: Extinction (07). While we're on the topic of deflating gradually the Lord of the Rings trilogy came to a spectacular yet curiously underwhelming close with Lord of the Rings: Return of the King in 2003. Despite being endowed with at least four endings too many, it was still sad to see the end of the journey. Pixar like a challenge - bugs, monsters, superheroes, undersea environments, talking toys or talking cars - anything is worth telling a story with. 2007's Ratatouille told the story of a rat who dreams of being a gourmet chef in Paris. Huh? Sounds like a crazy idea for a film, but Pixar created an absolute delight of a movie - funny, moving and sweet without being syrupy. Très Bien. At the completely opposite end of the scale The Reader (08) is the uncompromising tale of a young German man who has an affair with an older woman who he finds out in later life may be a Nazi war criminal. Kate Winslet gives a searing performance as Hanna Schmitz and deservedly won a hatful of awards. Sadly it was also the last film worked on by Anthony Mingella and Sydney Pollack who both died before it was released.

Tune in for Part Seven - S to T soon.

The Attack of the Zombie Ants and other stories.

Is there anything that does not sound cooler when the word zombie is added?

Take the following factoid - Ophiocordyceps unilateralis is a parasitic fungus found in some forests that infects ants in order to spread itself to other plants and trees. 

Not that thrilling eh?  Now, describe the actions of old Ophio as controlling an army of zombie ants and suddenly we're talking something much more exciting.  The zombie factor of this admirably macabre story is upped in the terminal phase of this infection when the Carpenter ants do appear to lose control and latch themselves with a death grip to tree leaves in order to pass on the fungus.

This got me thinking about other things enlivened by a dash of the Undead.  Rated in Brains out of 5

Big Brother meets zombies in Charlie Brooker's gleefully gory Dead Set

Flashmobbing is soooo 2007.  Unless 4233 of you dress up as zombies and invade Seattle.

The philosophical concept of the Zombie (or p-zed).

"A hypothetical being that is indistinguishable from a normal human being except that it lacks conscious experience. When poked with a sharp object it does not feel any pain. While it behaves exactly as if it does feel pain (it may recoil from the stimulus, or tell us that it is in intense pain), it does not actually have the experience of pain as a putative 'normal' person does.  The notion of a philosophical zombie is mainly a thought experiment used in arguments (often called zombie arguments) in the philosophy of mind, particularly arguments against forms of physicalism, such as materialism and behaviorism."

Classic Literature with added undead such as the magnificent Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Check out the book trailer for the sequel to Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith's masterpiece

9/10ths Full of Movies Part Five. M to O

Welcome to Part Five of my entirely subjective reflection on a decade in cinematic exploits. Click here to see Parts One to Four. Please do chip in with any obvious omissions or disagreements.

M is for Millstone

The first half of the Noughties seemed heavily weighted with films beginning with M. The decade began back to front with Christopher Nolan's reverse masterpiece Memento. Pixar made us a little less afraid of the monsters in our closet in Monsters Inc. (01). It was also notable Billy Crystal's last decent contribution to movies. In 2002 Steven Spielberg just about avoided ruining the otherwise brilliant Minority Report with a stupid mawkish ending (it really should have ended two or three minutes earlier). However, he did much better with Munich (05) coaxing a potent performance from Eric Bana in the lead role. The Noughties seemed awash with sequels and threequels that really should have been just one stronger film. The two Matrix follow-ups, Reloaded & Revolutions (03), illustrated this better than most. While both had some stunning set pieces they also had far too much fluff such as the cringeworthy underground rave scene and overly long ramblings of the Architect. In 2003 and 2004 Clint Eastwood showed just how good he is behind the camera with Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby helping us forgive his involvement in Space Cowboys. Just before he bulked up to play the rebooted Batman in 2005 Christian Bale lost 60 pounds to play the tormented insomniac Trevor Reznik in The Machinist. I've never been able to look at a game of hangman the same since...

N is for Niggles
In 2006 I unlocked the hitherto impossible scientific dream of slowing time while watching Terrence Malick's dreadful The New World. It's 90% people walking through grass looking pained, 5% noble savage cliche, 3% Pocahontas and 2% Dancing with Wolves. Despite a running time of 135 minutes, it genuinely felt like watching a five hour epic. Ray Liotta has recently become a parody of himself in several truly appalling movie and TV appearances (including Hannah Montana!) while coasting lazily through them all. However, 2002 saw his last great performance in the dark and ethically muddy Narc. Along with most of the world I lauded Jared Hess for his second directorial effort Napoleon Dynamite (04). However, in hindsight this was a mistake as I now find the film irritating and sloppy. In 2005 I took a risk and paid to see a film at the cinema about which I knew nothing at all. That film turned out to be the brilliant and bonkers Russian epic Night Watch which has since become one of my top five films. Telling the story of a supernatural cold war between the forces of good and evil, Night Watch packed in more verve and creativity than a dozen 'Hollywood' blockbusters. The best movie beginning with N in the decade (and one of the best films hands down) was the peerless No Country for Old Men (07). It was the Coen Brothers at the top of their game and especially in the scene between Chigurh and the gas station owner which is a masterpiece of humour, threat and sparse wordplay.

O is for Orangutan
As we finish N with the Coen Brothers, so we also begin O. George Clooney simultaneously played up to his pretty boy image while also putting it permanently behind him in the wonderful O Brother Where Art Thou (00). As mentioned back in February in Part Three of this series Robin Williams plays creepy very well. His portrayal of the lonely and disturbed Seymour Parrish was almost unwatchably unsettling in 2002's One Hour Photo. Despite Quentin Tarentino's output declining in quality he still has an eye for a good thing and has taken to promoting films by talented directors from all over the world. One of the first was the brutal and beautiful Old Boy(03) by Chan-wook Park which had live octupi, hammer related dental action and a twist gut-wrenching enough to leave the viewer feeling physically sick. 2003 also saw Kevin Costner spearhead the periodic attempt to make westerns popular again by directing and starring in Open Range. Sadly he was unsuccessful in that goal, although he did succeed in creating a classic character-driven Western that is all the better for its over-familiar plot devices. While we're on the subject of old school movies, 2007's The Orphanage combined chills without excessive blood spills in a story driven haunted house tale that lingers in the mind long after the film has finished.


Tune in for Part Six - P to R soon.

Bumper Movie Log

Wall Street ****
Knowing *
The Secret of Moonacre ***
Daybreakers ***
A Serious Man *****
Alien 3 (Director's Cut) ***
The White Ribbon *****
Life of Brian ****
2012 **
Air Force One **
Star Runners **
Raiders of the Lost Ark *****
Star Trek ****
Cloverfield ***
Temple of Doom ****
Shutter **
The Reader *****
Demolition Man **
My Name is Bruce **
Drag Me to Hell ****
Rogue **
Body of Lies ****
Up *****
Sherlock Holmes ****
Valhalla Rising ****
Eraser **
Solomon Kane ***
Monsters & Aliens ***
Pandorum **
The Fourth Kind **
Robin Hood ***
The Objective ***
Moon *****
Alice in Wonderland ***

9/10ths Full of Movies Part Four. J to L

Welcome to Part Four of my entirely subjective reflection on a decade in cinematic exploits. Click here to see Parts One to Three. Please do chip in with any obvious omissions or disagreements.

J is for Jigsaw Puzzles
Weirdly, there seemed to be a paucity of decent movies beginning with J during the Noughties. There was plenty of dross - Jackass 1-3 , Johnny English, Jersey Girl anyone? Thought not. 2001 saw Steven Spielberg returning to improbable science and large teeth with the third in the Jurassic Park series. The dinosaurs were bigger, Sam Neill was back and William H Macy (yay!) made the best of a terrible moustache. In 2005 the war movie got all confusing and two-sided in Sam Mendes' film version of Anthony Swofford's biographical account of the Gulf War Jarhead. I really wanted to like it but despite stunning cinematography it seemed to lack something important. According to women's magazine everywhere, late 2007 belonged to Diablo Cody and her all-conquering Juno. Apparently, the world was astonished that a woman who used to be a stripper was capable of stringing a few words together in a screenplay. As it happens, that screenplay turned out to be rather good and combined with excellent performances made Juno a worthy entrant into the movies of the noughties.

K is for Kaleidoscope
Looking back from the dizzying heights of Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes, it's hard to believe that Robert Downey Junior's stock used to be so low. Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang) in 2000 began the revival in many ways. It was ludicrously entertaining particularly when Val Kilmer's immensely camp Gay Perry is on screen. Tarentino split one film into two with Kill Bill Vols 1 & 2 (03 & 04)with stylish and verbose yet curiously empty results. In 2004 Stephen Chow made us laugh and whistle appreciatively at his utterly bonkers Kung Fu Hustle in which the fight scenes were astonishing, the visuals spectacular and spirit of the movie completely insane. The cartoonish chase scenes especially were reminiscent of Looney Tunes but fitted perfectly into the Hong Kong lunacy. The king of the modern epic returned to the history trough with Kingdom of Heaven (05). Ridley Scott shot the Crusade story with his customary gorgeousness but it did lack a convincing hero (Orlando Bloom - really?) and is much better in it's longer Director's Cut version. The other king to return in 2005 was Kong in Peter Jackson's punishingly lengthy retooling of King Kong. While at least an hour too long it was still a magical movie experience (Kong fighting Tyrannosaurs!!).

L is for Lemons
The Coppola clan found a new star in Sofia and her bittersweet tale of a pair of lonely Americans in Lost in Translation (2003). Bill Murray as the down-at-heel actor and an idealised Tokyo were the two standouts in a touching and funny story. In 2004 the talented Anderson (Wes as opposed to Paul WS) brought us the almost too whimsical Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, also tempting a stellar turn from a be-whiskered Bill Murray. Continuing the theme of comics turning in good dramatic performances, Steve Carell showed us that he was capable of more than shouting and falling over in the surprisingly dark yet affecting Little Miss Sunshine (06). The same year saw three movies tackle some of the darker periods in world history in the Last King of Scotland, The Lives of Others and Letters from Iwo Jima. Ulrich Mühe and Forest Whitaker turned in contrasting Oscar worthy turns as a Stasi operative and Idi Amin respectively. Clint Eastwood also drew a marvellous performance from Ken Watanabe in the stronger of his two Pacific war movies. The end of the decade saw possibly the best horror movie of the whole ten years and certainly the best film of 2009 in Let the Right One In. Ignore the upcoming US remake and revel in the unique vampire movie premise and unsettling atmosphere of the Swedish original. It couldn't be further away from the teenage nonsense of the Twilight series which makes it a Good Thing.

Orbital with added Dr Who.