Tis the season to be jolly.....

Just a quick post to wish my reader a Happy Christmas. I know, I could have sent a card, but frankly I was too stingy to buy a stamp.

I like Christmas, but one of the things that annoys me about the festive period is the forced jollity and bonhomie that oozes around for all of December. I combat this by acting like a miserable bugger, while inside I'm hopping up and down excitedly about opening presents. However, there are some things that can crack my Scrooge-ish facade.

In lieu of a Nine Tenths Full of Penguins Christmas gift, I give you Eddie Izzard talking in his own inimitable fashion about the first Christmas.



There are a couple of swear words in there, so be warned....

Wishing you a Happy Christmas (or insert faith-neutral good wishes here).

*Update
Right thats it! I am no longer myself. I have got old and soft. I found myself watching the first Santa Clause movie today. 'Whats so bad about that?' I hear you cry, well wait for the kicker. I quite enjoyed it......

I feel wrong. Just wrong. I think I'm going to crawl into a whiskey bottle for the remainder of my Christmas break. I'm just ashamed. Oh well, at least my Pandora Radio station is good, that offsets the shame somewhat.

In which I get all misty-eyed about Sigur Ros

I don't normally do internet/blog meme things, but this one (courtesy of the ever excellent Patroclus) caught my attention.

It is the great Wikipedia Band Name Meme....

Here's how you play. Click here to be whisked to Wikipedia and then click on 'random article' on the left side of the page, the title of the first article is your band name. Then click it again, that will be the name of your album . Then click 'random article' a further 7-10 times, and those titles are your album track names.

Here is mine:

Band Name: Fjalar

Album Name: 4th Infantry Division

Track Titles

1: Democratic Republic of the Congo

2: Fours

3: VYRE

4: Cingulate Sulcus

5: Sohni Lag Di

6: Kora Kagaz

7: Reactivity Series

8: Clinchfield

9: Varfell

10: Transcendental

I think it brings to mind a band clinging desperately on the coat-tails of Sigur Ros. Fjalar are a band with hints of political activism and delusions of grandeur. I like them already....

While I'm thinking of Sigur Ros, I'd just like to mention their new DVD Heima. It is utterly stunning. Sigur Ros are an Icelandic band that specialise in making beautifully ethereal music that is quite unlike anything else. They released a documentary following them as they toured round Iceland promoting their last album Takk. Heima has the documentary as well as a second disc full of concert performances. The main documentary has footage of the band playing at a variety of rather offbeat locations in Iceland.

If you get chance, you MUST see this on a big screen with good quality sound. There are some moments where the combination of the Icelandic scenery and the wonderful music is so staggeringly beautiful that I found myself getting a lump in my throat and actually felt that I might shed a tear or two.

Movies
The Departed *****
Cliffhanger **
V for Vendetta ****

Bah Humbug...

This year I'm feeling resolutely un-festive so far. I'm not actively scrooge-ish, but I'm failing to feel the cheer of the season as yet.

In an attempt to kick-start some yuletide goodwill I offer you this marvellous little ditty/video by the wonderful Sufjan Stevens.



Ah thats a bit better......bring on the mince pies.

I decided on a bit of a colour scheme change to go with the switch to www.ninetenthsfullofpenguins.co.uk. Do let me know what you think.

Misunderstandings

Before I crack on with this post I just need to do a bit of housekeeping.

The url of this blog is now http://www.ninetenthsfullofpenguins.co.uk/. Of course, you'll still be able to get to it via the blogspot address, its just that this one is a bit more streamlined. Why not bookmark it now?

On to business. I spent the weekend in a very grey and sodden Birmingham, a place that has on every occasion I have visited it, treated me to lots of rain. So it was that I pitched up at Birmingham New Street train station at about 6pm on Friday evening. As I was a little earlier than expected, I needed to wait outside the station for a while.

I bought myself a rather large coffee in a cardboard beaker the size of a small tanker and plonked myself outside the station to wait. I had come directly from work in Manchester, so I was still wearing a shirt and tie and my smart black coat. As I was sitting on my bag, reading a book (the excellent Naming of the Dead by Ian Rankin incidentally), my open coffee steaming enticingly by my side, deflecting panhandlers with aplomb; something unexpected happened.

Engrossed in a particularly gripping chapter, I almost failed to respond when a smartly dressed gentlemen bent down and calmly deposited 20p in my coffee cup, which was still half full. He generously said something along the lines of "Here you go mate" before moving off. I was rather taken aback and all I could respond with was "Ermmmmm" in my best teacher voice. On hearing this, our Good Samaritan turned back and looked at me properly, horror dawning in his eyes as he realised what he'd just done.

He scurried back apologising so profusely and with such embarrassment on his face that I couldn't help bursting into laughter. After a few minutes conversation he went on his way with a face like a belisha beacon, but with the knowledge that he'd given me the best laugh I've had in ages.

Incidentally, while I'm talking about coffee; I visited a Costa Coffee in Solihull (kicking weekend eh?) and foolishly ordered a large black coffee. I was expecting a large black coffee, what I received was this two handled soup bowl containing over a pint of black liquid.


Movies
Hot Fuzz ****
Kingdom of Heaven ***
Munich ****
Ghostbusters *****
Beowulf 3D ***
I really enjoyed this at the cinema, mainly due to it being in utterly stunning 3D. However, be warned on two counts. Firstly, if you do watch it in 3D, expect a splitting headache when you come out. Secondly, its certified 12A which means in theory, you could take young children to it. Whatever you do, don't do that. Its considerably more adult than 12A would lead you to believe. Definitely worth a watch in 3D though....

Life imitating art

George Bush has never been a man to let facts get in the way of, well, anything.

Monday saw the release of a report by his own intelligence agencies that essentially said that Iran was not building nuclear weapons. Did the conclusion of this report that brought together the collective expertise and knowledge of the 16 branches of US intelligence signal a reduction in Bush's vehement rhetoric against Iran?

Of course not. Here's a quote from one of the candidates vying for Bush's position come the elections next year. Democrat Senator Barack Obama:

"Bush will not let facts get in the way of his ideology... and that's been the problem with their [the Republicans] foreign policy generally."

It seems that Bush and his advisors have got their (black) hearts set on another war before the reins of power are prised out of his hands in 2008. And it seems even his own intelligence agencies won't stand in his way....

Read the story here.

It scares me that the Iran-US storyline in Spooks at the moment is increasingly seeming less inconceivable by the week.

Movies
Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix ****

Serenity ****

28 Weeks Later ****

Pans Labyrinth *****

Fight Club *****

Celebrating 100 Posts with a New Feature

Nine Tenths Full of Penguins is 100 posts young today! Break out the balloons, party poppers, jelly & ice cream...

I've been thinking quite a lot about music recently as I have received many gratifyingly positive comments about my Pandora station (Quite Early Music, which can be heard here) since I blogged about it last week.

One of the benefits of owning an MP3 player of frankly ridiculous capacity is that I am able to have thousands of songs on there at any one time. I often choose to listen to them all on random, which can throw up some wonderful combinations of tunes. So I've decided to record some of these on this here blog.

This is how it will work:

Step 1: I will set the player to random

Step 2: I will record the first 10 songs that present themselves

Now I will make a deal with you. I will record all ten (including any of the embarrassing ones that lurk in the nether regions)if you promise not to laugh too loudly.....

Here are the first ten:

1) Manic Street Preachers - Removeables

2) Linkin Park - Points of Authority

3) Jonezetta - Popularity

4) Arcade Fire - Antichrist Television Blues

5) Further Seems Forever - Bleed

6) Derek Webb - Rich Young Ruler

7) Anberlin - Audrey, Start the Revolution!

8) Def Leppard - Hysteria

9) Levellers - Haven't Made It

10) Muse - Map of Your Head

I will leave you to judge which, if any, I am slightly embarrassed about....

Sadly, not my CD collection

Pandora's Box

I have been cruelly severed from my interweb for about 2 weeks, so I apologise for my enforced absence.

Since returning to the information superhighway I have been reacquainting myself with Pandora. If you are unfamilar with Pandora, it is a website that creates a personalized radio station based on music you have selected. You choose a selection of your favourite bands and then a fiendish music monkey on the other side of the world selects songs that it believes you might like.

So far so Web 2.0. For the most part it works really well and I've discovered loads of new bands through Pandora. However, there is a fly in the ointment. Every now and then, the music monkey decides to arbitrarily subject me to lots of dreadful europop dance music. I have no idea why it thinks this. Unless it has taken my admiration for certain artists and thought "Hmmm, he likes Theivery Corporation who are electronica and Sigur Ros who are European - ergo he must like 2Unlimited" (I'm not kidding, it played No Limits, for the love of all that is holy).

Anyway, if you'd like to hear whats in my ears, go to Pandora and search out a station called Quite Early Music.

#Say Anything, But Say What You Mean...#

A random fan video to a great song by Mae. Here is the official music video version. I think I like the random one a wee bit more.



Look at their website here: http://www.whatismae.com/default.aspx

Duuuuudddddee- Road Trip!

In honour of surviving the first half term in my new job, I decided to go on a bit of a roadtrip with my younger brother Adam. When you hear the words 'road trip' you have in your mind a certain image bequeathed to us by Hollywood. Alcohol, exotic and exciting locales, naked women....

So where did we go for our road trip? Edinburgh? London? the English Riveria?

Nope - Worcestershire & Northants....

There was a reason for the choice of location; we would see some family, drink a reasonable amount and do some random things. These we accomplished in spadefuls.

Day 1:

We arrived at our base in Droitwich having visited my cousin Dan, his wife Natalie and their ever increasing brood. Adam wasted no time in starting to flirt with the blonde receptionist (the fact that she was probably more than 25 years older than him didn't phase him at all). We then scooted across to have dinner with my aunt & uncle. On returning to the hotel we made the welcome discovery that not only was there a brand new pool table to enjoy, but that the bar was essentially open all night for residents.

We ended up playing a pool game called Killer with two random blokes who worked for Bosch, who were having a sort of conference thingy at the hotel. One of them was a Scot called John and the other was a guy from the North East whose name I forget but who we christened Jellyfingers (not sure why....perhaps the many Grolsch had something to do with it).

Day 2:

The day dawned brightly and in my case, somewhat painfully, as I stumbled in a zombie fashion (un-cordinated, vacant expression, groaning slightly) towards breakfast. Once our raging headaches had subsided sufficiently to consider driving safely we set off to see our Grandad in Evesham. Although first we diverted to Bromsgrove so Adam could find stodgy food to placate his hangover. I have never seen a place as odd as the centre of Bromsgrove that day. There seemed to be the most half-hearted attempt at a fair going on with one trampoline and this risible Magic Kingdom thing that no children went near and that old men watched intently.

It seems that randomness was catching as when we rolled up in Evesham and took our Grandad to do his weekly shop we saw this sitting outside Morrisons.

Not sure why it was there - although, it would be a cool way to do your grocery shopping....

On the way back to the hotel we sailed majestically through Pershore, stopping only to take pictures with the giant duplo/lego/playmobil man.

In the evening we saw the frankly dreadful Resident Evil:Extinction in Worcester. A privilege which cost £7.20 a ticket. I believe I may have sqawked slightly on being told the price, I also narrowly avoided saying the words 'Are you sh**ing me?' out load.

Day 3:

On our way home we decided to go to a safari park as neither of us had been to one for as long as we could remember. So we detoured to the West Midlands Safari Park, where I was keenly hoping that there would be monkeys and penguins. Sadly, I was to be disappointed on both counts. But I did see wolves, tigers, elephants and stroked a zebra which made me rather happy.

I did want to give you a couple of pictures, but sadly Blogger is being recalcitrant in that area right now. I may add them later. However, you can look at all my Safari Park pictures on photobucket here.

Movies

Stardust *** (A missed opportunity, fun though)

Resident Evil: Extinction *

Master and Commander ****

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Extended) *****

The Station Agent ****

Still & Moving Pictures

The first wednesday of this very month saw my emergence from pub quiz hibernation.

In a new venue in South Manchester; myself and Eyan's pub quiz returned in autumnal glory (See previous quiz shenanigans by clicking here). By clicking on this link right here, you can see his sports round. Below for your edu-tainment is my picture round which will fiendishly test your knowledge of Manchester people. Click on the image for a bigger picture.

Answers in about a week....

No googling allowed...... I will know.

*Answers in the comments*

Movies
Nightwatch *****
Daywatch ****
The Bourne Ultimatum *****
Children of Men *****
Blades of Glory ***
Alien vs Predator *
Hellboy Animated: Blood & Iron ****
Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai *****

Shock as politician indulges himself in....politics.

In the news today.....When the Tories criticised Gordon Brown over his 'convenient' trip to Iraq on the day he announced 1000 British troops would be coming home, No. 10 Downing Street leapt manfully to his defence.

"[the Tories] suggested the PM used the armed forces as a "political football". Sir John Major also questioned the timing of the announcement and Mr Brown's visit.

But No 10 said it was "preposterous" to suggest the PM was playing politics"

Allow me to translate No. 10's response into non-spokesperson speak:
"Ah. duuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... (accompanied by Friends-style head wobbling)

Must be a slow news day on the BBC.... Anyhoo, it gives me a chance to post this marvellous cartoon by Steve Bell.
While we're talking about political cartoons. Here's one by the Guardian's Martin Rowson about David Cameron's intriguing approach to concrete policies.
I love political cartoons.

*sigh* I'm so middle class......

From the sublime to the completely ridiculous...

In my last post I remembered fondly the impact of people like Joy Division, Tony Wilson and Factory Records on modern Manchester. So from the sublime melodies of Love Will Tear Us Apart we approach the ridiculous as reported in today's Manchester Evening News.

It would appear that Big Brother contestants and identically annoying Manchester twins Sam & Amanda Marchant are releasing a pop single. That in itself is not a surprise, many pathetically short and usually crap pop careers have been spawned by the inexplicable phenomenon that is Big Brother. No, the truly hideous element of this story is that some moron at Sony actively sought out this monumentally irriating duo to cover...... Barbie Girl by Aqua* (give me strength....).

One or other of them was quoted as saying (in a no doubt giggly high-pitched way)
"There were all these agents there, saying Sony want you to release Barbie Girl, and we were like 'wow' cos it's our favourite song, it's dead girlie."

Okaaaaayyyy. Although, before I move on, here is another quote from the dynamic duo on their 'brand' Samanda.

"We don't want to be individuals, we want to be one"

Okaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Read the full story here.

Also in today's MEN. an interesting little article tucked away on the inner pages. According to a poll by ettiquette experts Debrett's, 63% of British women voted manners the most important factor in their choice of a partner. Meanwhile, 29% were swayed by intelligence with a mere 5% saying good looks were the deciding factor. Right, so we infer from this that most women prefer intelligent, well mannered men rather than rude, handsome ones.....

Now, I am both exceedingly well-mannered and reasonably intelligent. But ask me how many dates I have been on in the last year. Go on - ask me.

The answer is none.

This of course, may have something to do with:
A) my beer belly,
B) the fact I have a face like a bearded egg
or
C) a combination of A & B

I'm not saying this to elicit sympathy in any way, just to point out the futility of this type of poll. I put it to you that what we can learn from this poll is that 5% of women are brave enough to tell the truth to a complete stranger in the street brandishing a clipboard at them.

A polite intelligent man yesterday

*Anyway, as any connoisseur of comedy covers knows, the best Barbie Girl cover is by classic neo-punkers (I'm so sorry for using that phrase) MXPX. Listen to it here.

While we're talking about bands, check out this oh-so-indie video by Starflyer 59. Its for a track called I Win off their My Island album. Marvellously, the band featured in the video are not Starflyer 59 and their legendary frontman Jason Martin doesn't appear in it at all. Watch it here.

From darkness to light in a madchester stylee

On BBC 4 just t'other day there was a fascinating programme charting the rise and fall of Factory Records. Factory was the now legendary label started by the late Anthony Wilson among others. Click here to read about it and watch some clips.

I always found Anthony Wilson rather annoying, but during this programme I started warming to him. The concept behind Factory was not just to sell records and make money. It was also a kind of social experiment to see if music and the Hacienda could help effect citywide change. The thing that started my Wilson thaw was his obvious love for Manchester. It came through in everything he was saying, both in the recent interviews and the archive footage. I've been living in Manchester for over 6 years now and I love it, there is something about the place that gets under your skin. Watching this programme made me realise that the atmosphere and energy of Manchester that so many love is in no small part down to people like Wilson and Factory Records. I salute them now....

Plus this gives me an excuse to post footage of Manchester legends Joy Division, which is always worthwhile

Movies
Mrs Brown ****
Kind Hearts & Coronets *****
Black Gold *****
An amazing and terrifying documentary about the coffee industry. Watch it. I will NEVER drink non-fairtrade coffee ever again. What the big coffee companies do is little short of evil...
Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back *****

Spitting Feathers.....

There some things in this world that can leave me speechless with rage or helplessly drowning in my own annoyance. These include reality TV shows, Catherine Tate, fashion nazis and people being unnecessarily rude.

However in this post, I want to vent my spleen at the truly hideous publication that is Didsbury Magazine. It is the free glossy magazine that is shoved through our doors once a month. I am aware that Didsbury is a fairly affluent area (although, I myself am far from affluent), but Didsbury Magazine is the most offensively capitalist, middle class toilet rag I have ever had the misfortune to set my eyes upon.

Here's how it describes itself on its website:
"Didsbury Magazine is the glossy lifestyle magazine for the style concious (sic) citizens of Didsbury and South Manchester"

Arrrrgh, I'm already furious, just reading that description (let alone the bloody spelling mistake). It is full of toothily perfect rich people talking about how marvellous their lives are. It tells you the best places for 'ladies who lunch' (there is genuinely an article using that term in the latest edition. I'm not joking - 'Ladies who Lunch'! for f*@k's sake...). It completely ignores the fact that its coverage area includes some estates like Merseybank & Nell Lane where the daily problem of which £50 moisturiser to use or what to do with your seed heads is not really an issue.

Now we get to the point that had me speechless with rage. In July, Didsbury Magazine had a fund-raising ball. It was 007 themed and was attended by lots of people and lots of local companies donated prizes. Now, I am the first to applaud the wealthy putting their hands in their pockets to help those less well off. If you follow this link you can see photos from the big night. How much money do you think all those exceedingly well dressed, well troughed people raised on the night?


£1000......


Lets just think about that shall we? At first glance, that sounds like a lot of money. Until you think how many people were there, how much the whole thing will have cost to put together. Then suddenly £1000 seems like an insultingly small amount. I remember a youth group I was involved with that only had about 10 members who managed to raise over £500 pounds for charity.

How dare this vile publication brag about raising what is, frankly, pocket change? If they'd got their guests to put in £20 a piece and saved the money from the event, they'd probably have raised double the money. It seems to me that the evening was a chance for wannabe WAGs and Sloane Rangers to get pissed out their tree and show off their impressive wealth while feeling they were "making a difference."

Or maybe I'm completely wrong about the whole thing. But hey, that's what blogs are for, venting spleen. I feel much better now....

By the way, you may be asking yourself: "If he hates the magazine so much, why does he read it?" That is an excellent question, well done for asking it. I read it because I like to get cross about things from time to time....

Blog Envy

I have been thinking about blogging this evening.
Tim at Cultural Snow encouraged his ample readership (I am, of course, speaking numerically - I'm not suggesting that loads of fat people read his blog) to pick a blog from his blogroll, read it and then leave a post. Read the post here.

I looked at a few and left posts on a couple. As I did so I reflected on how many quality blogs are out there. So, in order to help you sort the quality wheat from the new-meeja chaff, I've decided to present to you the .....

Nine Tenths Full of Penguins

Five. Greatest. Blogs. Ever *

(Keep a weather eye for the TV programme of the same name appearing on Living TV soon. Paul Tonkinson, Keavy Lynch from B*witched & her who plays Louise in Two Pints of Lager & A Packet of Crisps have already been signed up)

1) Fat Roland
The random and highly amusing ramblings of my radio partner-in-crime Eyan. Expect the surreal and a passion for Electronica.

2) Quinquireme
A blog that has been in existence for 6 years. Which means in blogosphere terms that it is practically on a par with the Dead Sea Scrolls.

3) Post Secret
PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. It can be funny, disturbing, uplifting and sometimes heartbreaking.

4) The Manchizzle
Essential Manchester blogging hub....

5) Never Knowingly Underwhelmed
The blog of Andrew Collins, who I have had a great deal of respect for since his Radio 1 show with Stuart Maconie back in the day. He is also the author of the only biography I have ever read and enjoyed - Still Suitable for Miners, which is about Billy Bragg.

* Well, I say ever.....

Movies
Star Wars: A New Hope *****
The Truman Show ****
Run Fatboy Run ***
Stargate ****
Hot Fuzz ****

Greenbelt Phlegm Vol 2: Greenbelt Day the Second

Welcome to the second of my post-Greenbelt/Greenbelt FM related musings. Read the first one here. In the last post I talked about Billy Bragg's Friday night performance, here's a video of him doing a random Carpenter's cover at the request of a possibly ironic Greenbelt crowd.



Saturday dawned sunny, bright and (because I was getting up at an ungodly hour) bloody freezing. I was terribly excited as at 9am I slunk in behind the microphone for the first of my Greenbelt Today shows. These shows were a bit of a departure for me in terms of radio. If you've ever heard any of mine and Eyan's podcasts (if not, click here), you'll have discovered that our radio style is a bit ramshackle, with lots of banter and generally very silly. Greenbelt Today is more like a Radio 2 thing with live guests talking about serious things.

In my first show I interviewed various people, most notably a gentleman with the superb moniker of Greg Valerio. Greg is the founder and CEO of a company called Cred Jewellery who make ethically sourced and produced jewellery. He was our favourite guest because he was interesting to interview and he actually brought real gold with him to show us. Sadly, he took it with him at the end of the interview. We also met two randomly selected lovely people who were to become our Greenbelt Today Guinea Pigs. Mark and Katie kindly agreed to go to something at the festival every day that was selected by us and then come on the show the following day, tell us about it and receive their next assignment.

My show passed without a crisis but then, due to a mix up, I found myself staying on the air afterwards to present a music show for which I was completely unprepared! It was great fun as I got to meet Kit Ashton and the Greenbelt Minstrels who came on and chatted for a bit and played a couple of marvellous live tunes. Later in the day, I randomly ran into my old vicar and boss from my youthworkerin' days, bought an exceptional hat (brown fedora!! Just like Indiana Jones - yay!), edited stuff for other shows and generally worked till about 9pm.

Despite being shattered, in the late late evening I visited the beer tent and met up with various Manchester bods. It felt strange, as I was sitting with them I felt out of place. Just a couple of years ago, these were people that I felt very comfortable around. But it really hit home to me how much I have changed (for the better I think) since I separated from my wife in January 06. With a few notable exceptions (including the legendary Fil the Destroyer and his long-suffering better half Di), I felt I just didn't fit in. I didn't feel bad about that, just thoughtful.

Anyhoo, I took myself off to my tent and was asleep shortly after midnight as I had to be up at 6:45am the next morning.....

In the next installment of Greenbelt Phlegm:
Something or other happens.....

Back in the real world however, I have started my new job. This is exciting and extremely tiring. I also had a rather silly flat-warming party roughly themed on the Big Lebowski (which was mainly an excuse for guests to wear dressing gowns and drink alarming numbers of White Russians.

Movies
The Bourne Ultimatum *****
Next *
Back to the Future Pt 2 ****
Back to the Future Pt 3 ***
Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom ****

Greenbelt Phlegm Vol 1: Greenbelt Day the FIrst

I have just returned from a fantastic weekend at the Greenbelt Festival in Cheltenham this weekend. For those of you unfamiliar with Greenbelt, it is a music and arts festival that takes place once a year at Cheltenham racecourse. I've been attending for a while, but the last two years I've been working at the festival radio station. So many exciting things happened that I am going to beg your indulgence and present you a blog post for each day of the festival.

Greenbelt is really like nothing else I've ever experienced, the closest I can imagine would be a smaller, more Christian Glastonbury type thing. Click on the link above to find out more. Each year the festival has a theme, this year's being Heaven in Ordinary. This last 6 days, especially with the glorious weather we had, has been the closest to Heaven I have experienced in a long time.

I won't talk about the Thursday when I arrived on site much, except to say that it involved setting up many many tents in the wonderful sunshine, then an evening in the Organic Beer Tent (a recurring event you will find over the next few posts).

Possibly due to the combination of lots of sun and a moderate amount of strong organic beer; myself, Eyan and Anna from the Greenbelt FM team woke on Friday morning with horrific hangovers (like "Urrrrrggggghhhh, I think I'm actually dead" type hangovers). I emerged out of my tent like a George Romero zombie groaning and stumbling around in my search for liquid replenishment (and a banana).

However, on with the show as it were. I had no presenterly duties, so I was dispatched round the festival site on various errands to help prepare for the afternoon's shows. I also did my bit for GB FM publicity by lending my meagre erection skills (oo-errr) to the placement of banners.

I think this picture really does bring out my best features. The 2 inches slightly below my knees. They can be admired on the left of this picture purloined from the official Greenbelt section on Flickr.

I was assigned to help out on Eyan's Live Lunch Show, which went very well. He interviewed some excellent guests including a particularly striking young lady called Alicia from Christian Aid. She was promptly booked to come back in for the remaining Live Lunch shows. This went down very well with the straight male members of the Greenbelt FM team (oo-errrrr. OK time to stop now....)

The rest of the day flashed by in a flurry of activity, including some frenetic planning with my excellent team for my show Greenbelt Today (the first of which I will blog about in the next post).

In the evening I met up with a friend and went to mainstage to see Billy Bragg, which was amazing. The man may not have a great voice, but his songs are as powerful and passionate as ever and he can work a crowd brilliantly. My favourite line from Billy that night was a throwaway comment about how that as he has aged, his music has been upgraded from punk to folk. It had me chuckling quietly under my breath like a lunatic for 5 minutes.

We also tried in vain to go and see something young and trendy in The Gentlemen, who are a very exciting young Sheffield band who Eyan and I cruelly labelled as the Christian Busted on Refresh FM at Easter. They are much better than that and deserve to do exceedingly well. Sadly about 7 million people had the same idea as us and we couldn't squeeze ourselves into the venue to see them.

Finally, the evening started as the day had begun, in the beer tent. I met up with various Manchester people who all commented on the belisha beacon sunburn look I had assiduously cultivated during the day. Thanks go particularly to Stephen Devine who managed to mock my excessively red face despite it being near pitch dark in the beer garden.

In the next thrilling installment of Greenbelt Phlegm:
More beer! I actually get unleashed on a microphone! I interview some Minstrels (not chocolate ones)! I hold real gold in my hand! We inflate chairs! I eat a jacket potato! I buy a hat!

#Working Niiiiinnnne to Fiiiiiiiivvvvvveeeee#

(Well actually more like 7-2....)

I am more excited than a bucket of hamsters running over a bucket of pigeons today. In less than an hour's time I will be cramming my many-pocketed rucksack into a small car full of lovely people and winging my way to the Greenbelt Festival. Like last year, I am working for the festival radio station Greenbelt FM (see last year's post about my adventures here) which will no doubt be great fun once more.

This year I am presenting a daily show called Greenbelt Today and also producing regular radio partner-in-crime Eyan's daily Live Lunch show.

Despite last minute tent related travails (Damp tent + tent bag + 11 months = tent ruined by thick black mould.... I was quite cross with the person who borrowed it and then told me it was dry when they put it away!!!!), I am really looking forward to this year's festival. The weather looks like being fantastic and I'm rather looking forward to seeing Aqualung too.

I might try and blog while I'm away, but if not have a picture of a penguin kite (Christmas present perhaps?) to tide you over till I get back...

Hot Podcastular Action Vol 3

The Odyssey is complete. The final three podcasts from myself and Eyan's radio shenanigans at Easter on Refresh FM. Click here and here to see my earlier podcast posts.

Click on the underlined titles to to be whisked to the download site...

The Theatre of Noise - 11th April

In which we talk about:

Fiddling with turny-dials, Lee being smarter than Chris Moyles, the Plain Jane Super Brain Show, a woman from Atlantis, boys with idiot brains and girls with gills, Lee fires Eyan and promotes Fil from the Posse, we dedicate a mewithoutyou track to the entire world, the continuing saga of the Drive Time feud and the related tasks, throwing shapes - old skooool, we invent the Rockter Scale, Eyan's a sheep, how to file a Norma Jean CD, we count people's aunties, talk about rock melons, whether John Rutter is nice to his pets, Fil's girly feet and cleats, we destroy Bertie the imaginary Refresh Hamster in our game Sackcloth & Bashes, we give Preacha: Geography of a Journey by Cameron Dante a slow death with pink sandpaper and a power sander to the accompaniment of Relight my Fire by Take That.

Games: Chainsaw Challenge, Sackcloth & Bashes,

The Quite Early Show - 12th April

In which we talk about:

Our show being Refresh-innovative or Refreshnovative, we have a British hour, said farewell to Fire Fly, talked about Delirious being a thrusting young band, a nice lady called Janet who is a woman of the cloth visits us, Eyan defends himself for going to see Take That, the Christian Busted, Eyan then defends the real Busted, Lee liking Patience by Take That, the paucity of good British Christian bands, talk seriously for a change, Lee & Eyan having our own charm and attractions, Lee judges Eyan, Janet throws things at Eyan's head as part of a game, someone asks us to play Misty for them, a toy Chicken that distributes candy from its arse, Lee has his revenge, we have an upsetting text from a listener with ability to compress time, flushing hot cakes down the toilet, haggling for scented candles.

Games: ADVENTURE Game

The Quite Early Show - 13th April

In which we talk about:

Biblical curses, our bitterness at losing our feud with Abi on Drivetime, a bucket of pigeons being run over by a bucket of hamsters, giggling Stefan and Sarahcontrary, Chucknorrisfacts.com, Shameless Unplugged, Eyan's fluffy sock related explosiveness, Lee's beer impaired memory of Sarah at Greenbelt, Eyan finds George Bush strangely attractive in a simian way, visiting the Quite Early Show pub quiz in a fake outside broadcast at the Fox & Hammer, ladies with flat caps and beards, never camp in a pub, settling the transubstantiation vs consubstantiation argument with a thumb war in Rejoice & be Gladiator, we say our Quite Early Show goodbyes till 2008, we reflect on how rubbish and vacuous we were for two weeks.

Games: Rejoice and be Gladiator, Quite Early Show Pub Quiz

Two gladiators yesterday

Movies
The Simpsons Movie ***
Ran *****

This is a highlights post...

Due to my internet weebles taking a well-earned summer holiday I have been unable to post on this here blog for a while.

For some bizarre reason, when my computer is out of action or if I am somehow unable to get access to t'interweb I have loads of great ideas for stunningly creative and gut-wrenchingly funny blog posts. Sadly, by the time I get round to actually blogging, all those ideas have sailed out of my mind like a flotilla of racing yachts in a gale. Therefore, I will give you some of the highlights from my brain over the last couple of weeks....

There are 5 things because 5 is the 3rd prime number (its also a Fermat prime dontcha know....)

1) Bowling
In the house I share we are completely addicted to ten-pin bowling on the Wii (we are now a 2 Wii house). I like it because its about half-way between real bowling and previous attempts at computer bowling. However, recently we have had TWO house outings to partake in real-life meatspace bowling, which were exceedingly good fun. Now I hadn't gone real bowling for ages so over the two visits scores of 138, 122, 99 and 117 were most satisfying. Sadly, I think I'll never replicate my Wii best score of 212 in real life...



2) Underage Festival
A festival in that there London for young whippersnappers. Read this article from the Guardian. Near the end Conor McNicholas, Editor of NME makes a comment. NME makes me very grumpy, nay, furiously angry at times. NME has been quite vocal about how modern festivals are being ruined due to old people insisting on attending. Apparently it would like Glastonbury to improve its atmosphere for 2008 by attracting the 'NME & Radio 1 crowd' who it would seem are all 16-17 years old. Now I don't know about you, but most 16-17 year olds are unlikely to read NME as it is a magazine written by people predominantly in their 30s and upwards. So there's an inherent contradiction in their whole argument that makes me very grumpy.

3) Somerset
I visited my friends Andrew & Ann in their new home in Somerset last week. The weather was lovely and the cider most agreeable. Do read Ann's blog here. This is what I have decided to name Taff's View. This is the view from the patio at the bottom of their garden. I am most envious... Click on it for a larger view.

4) For the love of all that is holy, don't read this book!
I had the misfortune to pick up Next by Michael Crichton in the middle of a long train journey. It is dreadful. Don't read it. I only read it because the alternative was staring out the window for 5 hours. In my defence I had 3 minutes to buy a book before I had catch my connection at Bristol so I grabbed it as I enjoyed reading Jurassic Park. However, there were warning signs I should have spotted. Firstly, the half price ticket - a new(ish) book being sold for £3.50? Secondly, these fateful words on the cover which I didn't see till too late "Completely Brilliant!" - the Daily Mail. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I read a book the Daily Mail thinks is brilliant? I feel violated somehow.

5) Toad in the Hole
I learnt how to make Toad in the Hole! Which was rather exciting, in an 'I'm clearly 30 years old and rather sad' way. I made two for my housemates, which they seemed to enjoy, which was also gratifying.

Movies
Transformers **
(Possibly the dumbest movie I've seen in a long time. But its great fun and the effects are jaw dropping)
The Thing *****
(How a sci-fi horror movie should be done. The effects are wonderfully gruesome and creative considering it was made in 1984)
The New World *
(Beautifully shot, but incredibly dull and boring at the same time. Full of shots of people walking through grass looking pained and emotional)
The Departed *****
Jaws *****
The Contractor *
Breaking & Entering **
Serenity *****